one reason to not get married

[RCCDrew]

Been married for 14 years, with her for 21. Couldn't be happier. That said marriage is work. Both sides 100%. We still date weekly, and spend alone time together, even with kids.

And I have 3 muscle cars. 

[billssuperbird]

A friend of mine that did the sheet metal work on my car had to sale his 1969 hemi superbee to get out of his marriage

[A12 Superbee]

Touchy subject for a lot of blokes, me included. I caught my wife of 19 years screwing an Air Force Officer (i'm an enlisted man) and after that it was hard going as I tried, stupidly, to save the marriage, only to catch her with him again 3 years later, after of course I bought her a new pair of tits, took her to Hawaii etc. Absolute dickhed!

Anyway, she wanted half of everything, the house, which I was cool with, but also my cars and 'assets', including what my dad left me.

And cash in lieu of my Superannuation.

I dug my heels in, even called the cops on her once after she started throwing things at me, including a jar of Vegemite (that's just so un-Australian, I knew right then she had to go!) and threatening to destroy my Superbee, the cops came round real fast and threatened to lock us both up if we didn't play nice.

Anyway, it was all settled out of court, half the house and $100,000 to leave my Super alone, which from what my lawyer told me, was the stupidest decision she ever made and I basically won.

Now, I might have a slightly older model but she's drop dead gorgeous, has bigger tits I didn't have to pay for (she paid for them herself) and is far better suited to me, great chick all round, loves my Superbee because she reckons it sounds like an old WW2 bomber (her dad was a Navigator on bombers during the war) and she encourages me to  play 'old cars' whenever I like'.

My advice to all those blokes here that are happily married is this, once your wife gets to around 41 years old, you are in the danger zone, I've seen or heard of so many marriages going belly up once the wife hits her early forties, it's scary. If you can get her to 50 and still have her, then I think you'll have her for life, until then, do not be lulled into thinking everything is perfect, because I thought the same thing!

[birdsandbees]

Guess I'm good.. mine's now 52.. and she grew hers herself !! 

[hemihead]

My story goes like this : At 25 married a 32 y.o. , had a son . Everything seemed ok until the 7 year itch . Seven years into the marriage she hit 40 , the son was going to school , and I was working 12 hours a day , 6 or 7 days a week to give her things that she wanted . House , new car , furniture , etc. not to mention things for the son . I never bought anything for myself . Well , after the next 3 years of catching her cheating on me and her denying it , I threw her out and all of her things went on the front lawn . The son stayed with me which was his choice not mine or hers . When she came to visit the son one day she started to say something about the house and I cut her off . I told her that if she came after me for Ailimony or to take anything from me that I owned , I would hunt her and her BF down and kill them . I guess my bluff worked . She never asked me for anything . I am friends with her and her husband and meet them for dinner and hockey games .
   I may live with someone . I may date someone . But I will NEVER marry again . Most women today want a rich guy . Then they bitch about why the guy she picked isn't what they want . As soon as you meet a woman they want to know what you do for a living . That's so they can calculate how much money you make . American women are not interested in love .

[Kern Dog]

Being away too much can lead to an unfaithful spouse. They sometimes feel ignored because even when you ARE home, you are too tired to do anything.

[alfaitalia]

My story goes like this : At 25 married a 32 y.o. , had a son . Everything seemed ok until the 7 year itch . Seven years into the marriage she hit 40 , the son was going to school , and I was working 12 hours a day , 6 or 7 days a week to give her things that she wanted . House , new car , furniture , etc. not to mention things for the son . I never bought anything for myself . Well , after the next 3 years of catching her cheating on me and her denying it , I threw her out and all of her things went on the front lawn . The son stayed with me which was his choice not mine or hers . When she came to visit the son one day she started to say something about the house and I cut her off . I told her that if she came after me for Ailimony or to take anything from me that I owned , I would hunt her and her BF down and kill them . I guess my bluff worked . She never asked me for anything . I am friends with her and her husband and meet them for dinner and hockey games .
  I may live with someone . I may date someone . But I will NEVER marry again . Most women today want a rich guy . Then they bitch about why the guy she picked isn't what they want . As soon as you meet a woman they want to know what you do for a living . That's so they can calculate how much money you make . American women are not interested in love .

Well...at least you are not bitter at all...that's the main thing!!  


Its not like that for everyone my friend....I've been with my wife for 17 years (married for 9)...and we cant see any reason it wont stay that way for life...don't think I could find anyone else who would put up with me for a start!! And to be honest at 49 I would not want to go through all that dating stuff again! I think what I did right was not getting married until I was 40....lots of my friends had one or two failed marriages behind them by then. Men just are not grown up enough to get hitched before then! I would not have stayed married either if I had got married as young as 25.....to many parties, fast cars, fast bikes and trip overseas would have killed the marriage!!

[DAY CLONA]

Just a few proverbs to remember..."Women want what they can't have, then when they get it, they no longer want it"


"When it comes to women and romance/marriage, they are like monkeys swinging in trees, they will have another branch in hand before letting go of the other"

[ws23rt]

When we are little we are learning from our parents about how the world works. The young mind is soaking things up faster than we ever expect.
If their is conflict about where the money comes from and how to get it the kids learn that fast.

Then comes puberty. And in our world these days the kids peers tend to become the source of how things are when their are any gaps to be filled in understanding how to navigate.

Little girls learn how to extract a financial life forward by the examples they grow up with and what their friends say.
Little boys are at a disadvantage here because they are thinking more in the moment and can be easily caught by losing control of their sperm. The gov. made laws to deal with this and generally those laws of are little help for all involved.

Lust and love are not the same. They can and do fit well for a great situation to raise children but way too often that does not happen.

If the gov. is to be involved it should be more practical then it is.---A licence to marry should be MUCH harder to acquire.
Many lives are ruined for years or forever because of a few quick promises on the spur (and sometimes sperm)of the moment.

[triple_green]

I've been married for more than 30 years, so no one probably wants to hear from me.

Two things I have observed that keep a marriage together,

Flexibility and Forgiveness

Your not perfect and neither is she, then you add a few kids and...forget it...

[polywideblock]

and another reason   

                                                           

[bull]

Every great concept (such as marriage) gets screwed up by the introduction of human involvement.

[ht4spd307]

i think bull got it right in which other people get involved in someones marriage . eg look what my husband brought me the latest bmw or look at my new kitchen etc etc planting the seed of what their life should and shouldn't be .if you look back at your parents and their marriage(mine anyway) there was none of that, they would visit a few family members maybe once a month other than that the marriage was closed doors no one got involved.now its social media for all to see ....not good

[TruckDriver]

i think bull got it right in which other people get involved in someones marriage . eg look what my husband brought me the latest bmw or look at my new kitchen etc etc planting the seed of what their life should and shouldn't be .if you look back at your parents and their marriage(mine anyway) there was none of that, they would visit a few family members maybe once a month other than that the marriage was closed doors no one got involved.now its social media for all to see ....not good

That was hope mine finally ended, Social media. She met another guy online. The funny thing is, he was a total looser, and didn't wanna work once he moved here for her, and she got sick of him in about a year. Then she left him for a guy in Florida she only knew online for 2 weeks. She lived with him for about 4 years, then when she ran him into bankruptcy, she left him for the guy she is with now in Arizona. My oldest son lives with them now, and when he was here a few weeks ago for a vistit, he said they are fighting all the time now about money. She is a leech. He sister and other family members like me now once they found out it is all her. Her parents even told me to my face that they were sorry as to how they treated me, and thought of me because she used guys for their money, then finds another sucker. Sad part is, I'll probably never be able to own a Charger or other classic car again because of her because of how much the prices sky rocketed on them since she left me. And the '69 Charger 4spd was my dream car. Would of been on the road by now too, maybe not done, but drivable...

[Sabre]

I don't mean any disrespect to the guys that have had messy divorces.  I have to ask though, didn't you see what type of woman she was before you said "I do"?  From the descriptions I'm reading it's as if she's a Dr. Jekyl Miss Hyde.  Suddenly becoming evil she bitch who wants to hurt you anyway she can.

I've picked up on red flags with my experience with the ladies.  Which caused me to run in the other direction.  I haven't found a good woman yet, which is why I'm still not married.

[G-man]

I don't mean any disrespect to the guys that have had messy divorces.  I have to ask though, didn't you see what type of woman she was before you said "I do"?  From the descriptions I'm reading it's as if she's a Dr. Jekyl Miss Hyde.  Suddenly becoming evil she bitch who wants to hurt you anyway she can.

I've picked up on red flags with my experience with the ladies.  Which caused me to run in the other direction.  I haven't found a good woman yet, which is why I'm still not married.

I agree. I been married 6 years and she wont do anything without me. We work together, we do music together, we go shopping together. There is never a time when she is not with me.

One thing I noticed with some people "I Spend 12+ hours a day at work to provide my family everything they want"

That is the whole problem.

Children, as well as woman, want your time, not your money.

I know a lot of rich people who are totally unhappy. They say they spent there entire life to give their children the best home, the best 'school' (education) etc etc and don't understand where they went wrong.

Where they went wrong is, they spent time giving the family everything except themselves which is all the child would want, time with you, not the home/education etc.

[1965gp]

Some very good points made here. We will be married 12 years in April, together for 17.

I think you have to go into it knowing it's not going to be perfect. Remember who you are- if you married the party girl you shouldn't be surprised when she gets drunk and flirts with the neighbor. Same goes for you. If you lead a relatively monotonous life then she may get bored. Things to be aware of. Some can't be saved but I think most can.


Working 70+ hours a week (and I travel for work-A Lot) opens you up to issues and you need to be aware of that. We've had our problems and so far have looked at it as divorce not being an option. When we had serious problems a friend of mine told me: 'remember, if you get divorced you are going to live in a shitty apartment; so will she and your kids will go to a crappy school. Or, some guy will be living in your house raising your kids. Either way you end up with nothing and your kids get screwed'.

Things I've learned the hard way:
-even though you work all the time the weekends aren't only yours. She needs a break too. Schedule your time don't assume.
-she is going to screw up. Get over it.
-you are going to screw up- hope she gets over it.
-listen to what she wants
-don't keep score. Your the guy- you are supposed to do more.
-don't let her down
-try to live within your means- you will fight about money enough without adding more pressure to the situation

I love the comment made earlier about how guys spend all their time working to give their family what they want and totally leave themselves out which is what the family wanted in the first place. I catch myself doing this so when I am home I try to take the family out, meet the kids at school for lunch and get done what needs to be done at home. I see this as a growing problem we all need to be aware of. The story of the guy working all the time to provide for his family is no longer seen as a good thing. You can very easily end up with a bored wife who would rather get on Facebook than clean.... And then you have problems. This is becoming all too common.

[alfaitalia]

Nice..............no TOO many sexist comments in that last post. My wife read it....not impressed with your attitude to women. She says no wonder so many or you get divorced if that's what you think of your ladies! Her view not mine...well may be a bit.....in case she reads this post too!

[1965gp]

I think you and your wife are being too sensitive.... Except for the last line which was meant to look absurd I think your off base but everyone has their opinion.

Let me elaborate:

My wife is a stay at home mom with a small personal training business so she can build her own schedule around the kids events. Our first kid was a premie so the decision to be a stay at home mom was made for us. She had to quit and I had to start traveling to make more $$.

For the most part she takes care of our kids day in / day out by herself. I come home on Friday and I am ready to play in the garage but I learned that she needs a break too- gym, drinks with friends, shopping, whatever. I can't just assume she is going to watch the kids all weekend. I have to be at 100% when her or the kids want to do something no matter how tired I am or what I would rather be doing. On Friday I was at the school for lunch at 11:25 with younger daughter, 12:20 with the older daughter. Back at the school Friday night for movie night. Do you really think I wanted to sit in the gym and watch Finding Nemo? Hell no I wanted to be drinking beer in the garage but I knew they wanted to go. And my wife? I told her to go out on Friday night and take some time for herself. I am clearly a sexist pig....

People screw up if your together for 20 years- forgive them and hope they forgive you.

I'm sorry- in today's day being the husband or dad that is always working doesn't carry the same respect it did 30 years ago. People are used to being entertained/ engaged in something all the time. If you do not take care of your wife you bet your ass there is someone waiting to. Unfortunately it's probably someone you know. And yes I do feel that is too common.

The do more comment? I back that 100%. I don't keep my wife from doing anything- but I am not going to make her cut the grass, wash the car or even clean the kitchen. Anything that needs done at the house (grocery shopping, repairs, cleaning, etc) I try to take care of because I know the kids drive her nuts during the week.

Remember- people are different. I don't know you or your wife but I know us- we love our kids (who are probably spoiled), each other, beaches, working out, beer, margaritas and football. Pretty standard stuff. The cars are my thing.

We do not- make our own deodorant, shop at whole foods, buy based on sustainability, tweet our every move, or have a double income / no kids.

So if any of this offends anyone I'm sorry but we have different views and that's okay.

Btw- here is a picture of the two post lift my wife had installed yesterday for me. Clearly she is suffering... (I mean she has a happy life- don't want to confuse anyone)

[triple_green]

1965GP you are right on.

All this boils down to the first line in the first chapter of the book "The Purpose Driven Life"

"It's not all about you!"




fire away!

[Lennard]

I feel like a shrink after reading this whole topic!  

@1965gp: You better make your marriage work or you'll lose at least half of your car collection.

[polywideblock]

I'll just say to all the "experts" that have been married 6,7 14 years  ,good luck to you and I hope you keep your shit  together    


 wait till you can say 22 years and still together and I'll listen to what you have to say, it don't mean nothing till you hit the twenty year mark    

       

you can only work at making your marriage work  if both are willing to compromise 

[alfaitalia]

1965gp .....forget everything I said. As happily married as I am you can have my wife (6 ft blond slim 48 but looks 35!) for half you cars inc the Charger! Deal? LOL! Don't know what I'm more jealous of....you car collection or the fact that you have all that space to put them in. Keep up the good work mate!!

[Mike DC]

  


We are culturally brainwashed to view a lot of money issues as relationship issues.  

We have to spend 900 hours a week at work to buy a decent standard of living, and then we call it "relationship problems" when it wrecks our families.   I disagree.  


The common feeling is "People work too hard for too much money instead of spending time together."  Sometimes that's true.  But a lot of times people are working too hard to avoid living in a dangerous place with horrendously bad schools.   That's not bad relationship priorities, that's a money problem.    

[Dino]

Living within your means is not a bad idea either; a lot of relationship problems could be avoided if priorities were set.