I've finally joined Facebook and am not happy with daughters pictures. 😡😠😠

[Lord Warlock]

Social media is a lifeline to those that believe connections and friends are all that matters so pretty much everyone that goes to high school feels that way.  And if they get involved in certain circles it gets much much worse.  My daughter was a varsity cheerleader in HS, and was dealing with backstabbing females all over the school, as well as guys that would announce to anyone how far they got on their last date.  And not much us old fart parents could do, we explained to keep that info private but she wouldn't listen, and it bit her on the ass multiple times in high school.  Once she graduated and started college, thought it would be over, but she got into a "situation" the first week of school...actually the week before school started, she signed up for a seminar where she got to hang out with other students starting school in a week, doing crafts, and projects and taking field trips etc...only she decided to let one boy enter her dorm room...and needless to say he started bragging who he banged on the social media sites at college (they have their own version at every college) she eventually got her sorority involved, as well as the local police due to harassment and posting crap online, and stalking her online.  Normally I'd say ignore it and it will go away, but she ignored my advice and is still dealing with similar issues well into her 2nd year of school.  Only now she tries to convince us to let her transfer to a new school so she can start all over somewhere else...I told her she can go wherever she can get into that uses the prepaid college program, we aren't paying anything extra due to her social mistakes.  That just meant we didn't care according to her.  Explained we cannot fix every mistake she makes, hopefully she'll learn through education when to step back and when to move forward.  So far it hasn't worked out great for her....other than the fact that she can schmooze her way into any job she wants evidently. 

[skip68]

Well, I actually took the time to read through basically all of her posts and it really wasn't bad at all.  Just never ending talk about boys at school, who's dating who this week and blah blah blah blah and so on.   I felt like I was back in Jr high all over again.   She doesn't know and I'm keeping it that way.   I actually didn't bother to read any more and didn't want to.   The mind of 13 year olds is a scary place.      

[b5blue]

  HA!!! I know what you mean! My daughter was super rebel @ 14...got so bad I tapped my house phone to monitor things. Every day I'd change tapes and play it in my car going to work. Mostly teen jabbering and outlines of high jinks. Hearing her tell her friends how I was wrapped around her little finger and she could get away with doing this or that with my X wife's help was funny.
  One step ahead of her I kept things in balance without her knowing I was keeping her in check. She's grateful now that she is in her 20's and understands I was protecting her from herself.   

[Trulyvintage]

Encourage your kids to have real friends & do real things.
The internet is great for some things.
Going thru puberty is not one of them.


Jim

[b5blue]

OH my daughter and her friends were up to plenty of mischief! (Not online!)   

[Lord Warlock]

It was a relief to send her off to college, didn't have to stalk her online anymore or try to figure out what she was up to.  When she came home for the summer she learned we weren't willing to go back to old ways and start where we left off, told her it was time for her to move out on her own.  She'll always be welcome to return for brief visits of a week or less, but we won't let her move back in with us, she adds too much stress to me and my wife's life, which we try to live stress free as possible. 
The older daughter yearned to move out on her own, and did so her 3rd and 4th years of college, moved in with her boyfriend...but we saved by not having to pay her room and board.  Her last two years of school were almost boring since we didn't have to pay for much until she started her internship and we had to help her pay rent during that part. 

[marshallfry01]

Facebook is an old person's website.  It was cool back in 2010 to have it but not anymore.  My age group (I'm 21) uses twitter and instagram.  Twitter is starting to die out.  Instagram is still pretty popular though.  Snapchat is prolly the most popular thing out right now.  The good thing is that the pictures are not public unless you put them on your story.  The pictures you send to an individual only last for a maximum of 10 seconds.  If the person you send that picture to takes a screenshot, it will notify you.

[skip68]

Thanks for all the input guys.   

[cavemanno1]

Do yourself a favour and don't join twitter and instagram 

[chargerman69]

Carefull on taken anything away if you got a ex thats a cop or with a cop
Anyone hear about the guy that had the cops show up after his ex found out he took away there daughters phone (2013 story)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3419205/Texas-father-not-guilty-theft-took-12-year-old-daughter-s-cell-phone-away.html

[Lord Warlock]

cops told me (after 14 yr old got arrested for shoplifting) that we can take anything we want away from them, they even recommended taking the door off the bedroom (did that) taking PC's away, taking bed and other furniture out of the bedroom, just give them a mattress and sheets on the floor  and we are "providing shelter" as required by the law.  I wasn't that nuts, but did try to take any extras we had provided away, wasn't until she had access to a car that we had leverage that made a difference to her.

Once they are 18 however, you can't take a phone away that they bought themselves, unless you can convince them to give it to you.  Apply enough leverage and they usually will capitulate, but they won't be happy and I'd expect them to rebel anyway.

I would recommend setting up a generic account in Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr and post to it regularly for six months or so (they do check history and content of accounts when friend requests roll in) I didn't have enough activity on mine and she was suspicious from the start, wasn't until a couple years later that she figured it out, think she picked up my cell and noticed the name on the account and confessed it was suspicious because I had very little if any activity and wanted to friend her.  But I set it up as a teenager profile, about 2 years older than her.  

Providing false information is against the bylaws  of all of these sites, as is setting up an account and lying about their age, Facebook and twitter provide almost no help to parents trying to protect their kids, if facebook or twitter is told you are a stalker they will block you from following them...isn't that a hoot, Getting access to your kids account through facebook management is very difficult.  Easier to attempt subterfuge than getting facebook or twitter to help out parents.