joke

[el dub]

A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
The man says "The sex is about the same, but the dishes are piling up!"

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan .
I said we'd love to,but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

[polywideblock]

 

[rt green]

and there it is

[tan top]

 

[el dub]

   A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your
note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.

Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said,
"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

   The blonde said,
"No, just up to my tits ...
I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"

[el dub]

  John and Helen met while on vacation. John fell head over heels 'In Love' with Helen. After a couple of weeks after John took Helen out to various dance clubs, restaurants, and concerts, he was convinced it was true love. And so ... on the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how the relationship would continue.

"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," John said to his newfound lady friend. '"I eat, sleep and breathe golf so if that's going to be a problem, say so now!'"

Helen took a deep breath and responded: 'Since we're being honest with each other, here goes ... You need to know that I'm a hooker'

'I see', John replied. 'That's a problem, for sure.' He spent some time looking down at the table, deep in thought.

Then he added, "'You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off."

[el dub]

   Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.
The next Day he drove up and said, "Sorry, Son, but I have some bad news, The horse died."
Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened With that dead horse?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a Piece and made a net profit of $898.00."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."