clean jokes

[el dub]

Why do farts smell?

(So the deaf can enjoy them too.)



How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The seeds of change are within the light bulb itself.



Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.



Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

The engineer perks right up and says, "Wow! you've got to be kidding?"

The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."



A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks, "so where is the bar tender?"



The strong young man at the construction site was bragging
that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.
He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.
"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow
over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said,
"All right, dumb ass! Get in."




Two friends were walking their dogs, a Doberman Pinscher and a Chihuahua. The one with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go in that bar and get a drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman said, "Follow my lead and do what I do."

They walked over to the bar, and the guy with the Doberman put on sunglasses and started to walk in. The bouncer stopped him at the door and said, "Sorry, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand, this is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman Pinscher? You're putting me on."

"No," he replied, "we're using them now. They're very good and they protect us from robbers." And the bouncer said, "Go on in."

The man with the Chihuahua thought, "What the hell," and put on a pair of dark sunglasses. The bouncer stopped him at the door and said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "Now I've heard it all. You expect me to believe you have a Chihuahua guide dog?"

The guy with the Chihuahua shouted, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a ****ing Chihuahua?!"



Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."


Sean staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Sean sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Sean woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Sean said, "Why do you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Kathleen said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly, it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

[polywideblock]

 

[b5blue]

  McDonnell raised sheep for their wool, shearing and selling as needed. One day he sheared 2 and took the wool to town. Finding the wool worth more than expected he bought 2 bottles of scotch and promptly drank one. Stumbling home he managed to pass out on the side of the road legs splayed wide open.
  A boy and girl were walking by and saw the Scotsman lying there. The girl asked the boy why a man was wearing a skirt and what would a man wear under such a thing? He's Scottish and that's what they have worn for a very long time, I don't know what's under it. On a dare the girl moved the Kilt aside with a stick and they both giggled! (Nothing but himself under there!)
  The girl now dared the boy to take the blue ribbon from her hair and tie it to his man parts so he did and they ran away laughing. Quite some time later McDonnell came to and finally made his way home. Recalling very little of the days events he readied for bed and discovered a blue ribbon on his parts and a full bottle of Scotch.
  Joyfully laughing he exclaimed: McDonnell I know not where ye been nor what ye done but ye took first prize that's for certain!!   

[el dub]

> In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>
> Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
>
> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. "
>
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -- but no Ark.
>
> "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"
>
> "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
>
> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>
> Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
>
> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
>
> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
>
> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
>
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
>
> Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
>
> The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
>
> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>
> So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. "
>
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
>
> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it.

[b5blue]

  At work two guys are talking about the firepower needed for next weeks bear hunting trip. Bill overhears the conversation and injects "I hunt bear with a BB gun." Stunned the guys instantly offer a challenging bet as to who can get more bear if he joins next weeks hunt. Bill accepts the bet with just one stipulation, he hates to skin and butcher any animal so can they handle that aspect? The guys all agree and next week arrive in the woods at a nice cabin on the side of a large hill. 
  Bill, up early the next morning announces he's good to go and ready to head out. The guys, still wanting coffee and more time to prepare agree, doubting anything is really going to happen anyway. Hours later the guys deeply concerned they let this bet thing get out of hand hear a faint screaming outside. At the top of the hill they see Bill running to the cabin at full tilt screaming OPEN THE DOOR over and over! Behind him and gaining is a pissed off bear trying to catch Bill!   
  Bill's now getting closer to the cabin and yells GET OUT OF THE WAY I'LL CLOSE THE DOOR! They slip inside with no time to spare and Bill runs slap into the side of the door jam, the bear shoots right past Bill into the cabin! Bill slams the door shut and yells "Skin this one and I'll get you another!"

[el dub]

Posts:17,262




The Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'...

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral: Never be late.

[el dub]

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says,'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.'

Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides!



Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.




The Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar. It was a tense situation.



I am old & love to fish.

I was sitting in my canoe the other day, when I heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

I looked around & couldn't see anyone.

I thought I was dreaming when I heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'

I looked in the water & there, floating on the top, was a frog.

I said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me & I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious & jealous because I will be your mistress.'

I looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, & placed it in my front pocket.

The frog said to me, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me & I will be your beautiful mistress.'

At that moment I opened my pocket, looked at the frog & said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'



Mexican Jews
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in
Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith
born and raised in Mexico?"

Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

The waiter says, "I don't know, Senor, I ask the cooks." He returns from
the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Senor, the cook say no
Mexican Jews."

Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I check once
again, Senor."

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there
are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook say there is no Mexican
Jews."

Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."

The exasperated waiter says, "Senor, I ask EVERYONE... All we have is
Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews and Tomato Jews!"

[el dub]

A lady opened her refrigerator and
saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.
"What are you doing in there?" She asked.

The rabbit replied:
"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",
To which the lady replied "Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'm Westing....



The Fairy Tale


One day, long, long ago.......

there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But this was a long time ago.......

and it was just that one day.

The End

[el dub]

Kids and Teachers



_________________________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher    




A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars:
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke .
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup .
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.


At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol -
Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -
Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup -
Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -
Alive.


So the Minister asked the congregation -

"What can you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms.'     




It pays to know Pennsylvania Dutch!

An Amish farmer walking through his field
notices a man drinking from his pond, with
his hand.

The Amish man shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht
das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben
in ihm geschissen!" (which means: "Don't drink
the water. The cows and pigs have shit in it!)"

The man shouts back: "I am a Muslim. I don't
understand, nor do I care to understand your
gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!"

The Amish man shouts back in English:
"Use two hands, you'll get more!"
__________________________________

[el dub]

Amazingly simple home remedies:





1. When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly
remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by using the sink.

4. To treat high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the
snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct
Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't
move and does, use the duct tape.

8. When confused remember, everyone seems normal until
you get to know them.




KIDS IN CHURCH 3-year-old Reese : 'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.'



A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'



After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.'



One particular four-year-old prayed, 'And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'



A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' One bright little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'



A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, ' Ryan , you be Jesus !'



A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. 'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, 'Did God throw him back down?'





A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?' 'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

[el dub]

I was traveling between home and work when a tire blew out.

Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat.

My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.

The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, "Need a lift?"

"Yes, I sure do," I replied.

"You a Republican or Democrat," asked the old man.

"Republican," I replied.

"Well, you can just go to Hell," yelled the old man as he sped off.

Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question.

Again, I gave the same answer, "Republican."

The driver gave me the finger and drove off.

I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans.

The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde.

She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat.

"Democrat!", I shouted.

"Hop in!", replied the blonde.

Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.

Finally, I yelled, "Please stop the car."

She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out.

"What's the matter?", she asked.

"I can't take it anymore," I replied. "I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody."




They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

I was at the checkout of a Kmart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
===================

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.
===================

They Walk Among Us!

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where?'
===================

They Walk Among Us!!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."
===================

They Walk Among Us!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
===================

They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
===================

They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
===================

They Walk Among Us!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?
===================

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and worst of All - they VOTE

[el dub]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'N)azi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Vote for Hillary 2016'. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health

[el dub]

A woman takes her young, school-aged daughter to see the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist greets them and turning towards the mother asks the reason for their visit.

The mother explains, "My daughter thinks that she is a chicken."

"Hmm, that's interesting. When did this start? How long has she thought that she was a chicken?"

The mother thinks for a moment, "I guess about 2 years now."

Surprised the psychiatrist asks, "Why did you wait so long to come in to see me?"

The mother answers, "Well, I guess it's because we needed the eggs."  



A guy robs a Georgia bank and takes hostages.

In the course of the robbery his mask slips off.

He asks one of the hostages,
"Did you see my face?"

The hostage answers yes, and the robber shoots him dead.

Then the robber turns to the second hostage.
"Did you see my face?"

The second hostage quickly answers,
"No, but my wife did ."





A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?," she asked.

"Hunting flies," he responded.

"Oh. Killing any?," she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."    

[el dub]

   A blond goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "O my God Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Methodists , 32 Baptists.



An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden,
the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. (Grave Yard Dead) At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."




Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident,
which caused her to fall into a deep coma.
After nearly six months, she awakens and
sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies,

" Ma'am, you had twins -- a boy and a girl.
The babies are fine.
Your Brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself,
"Oh, no!
Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst,
she asks the doctor,
"Well, what's the girl's Name?"

"Denise," the doctor answers

The new mother thinks,
"Wow! That's a beautiful name!
I guess I was
Wrong about my brother.
I really like the name Denise."

Then she asks the doctor,

"What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies,

"Denephew."