The Cynic's guide to Craigslist car buying

[hatersaurusrex]

After shopping for and purchasing cars using Craigslist over the last few years, I've put together this handy guide to save you newbies some trouble.   This way you can just look at the description and know exactly what you're getting before making a costly road trip.   Hope it's useful.

Grades from 1-10 - best condition to worst:

1. Only Driven by Grandma to Church on Sundays - also driven nightly by grandson to the Boobie Bungalow while learning how to double-clutch up to 7000 RPMs without actually using said clutch.  

2. Mint Condition - Covered in tons of oversized cowboy belt buckle scratches and condensation rings from Coors light cans.   Key broke off in the trunk lock years ago and was replaced with baling wire.  Headliner is what's left of an old bedsheet glued to the roof of the car -  cat pee stain still in corner.  Car needs gas pumped at least 20 times before it will catch fire because "That's just how them old motors is, even when they was new, man".   Only selling the car if you agree to not remove 'gas grass or ass' bumper sticker.

3. Completely Restored - Owner quick-primed and rattle canned the paint in his driveway.   Has neoprene NAPA seat covers and B&M shift kit that cost more than the car.  Seller hopes you totally won't notice the air cleaner from a 1979 Econoline van.

4. 90% Restored - Only about 34% restored.  

5. Survivor - The only thing this car has survived is the crusher.    Not so for the wheels, hood, seats, and drivetrain.  Hula girl still on dash, though.  Her boobs do look perky.

6. All Original - Every part is exactly the way it came from from the manufacturer - on about 10 other cars.   Asking 10K over market because there were only four lime green '81 Ford Fairmonts produced with a quartz dash clock AND a bitchin' 8 track player.

7. Barn Find - "I bought this from a guy in the parking lot of the Burger Barn last year for half what I'm asking, so I like... found it there"  Car supposedly ran like brand new when parked but curiously will no longer start or even turn over.  Seller claims it only needs a $10 part from autozone that takes six minutes to install to run like new again - but he apparently can't find that much time or money in the six months it's been on Craigslist.  

8. Easy Father Son Project - If you're Zeus and Hercules, this is your car.  In fact, maybe Apollo with his healing powers would be better, since this thing has more cancer than Ronald Reagan's butthole.

9. Will Scrap It if Nobody Buys it by Thursday- Ad has been reposted 8 times in the last two months, each time on a Tuesday.  Seller understands what a 'sense of urgency' is, but not what a 'buyer's ability to notice the same ad posted a dozen times' is.

10. Rat Rod - "I just realized I have an insanely rusted 1977 AMC Matador blocking my Playboy collection"

[A383Wing]

Rust Free.......yea, all the rust everywhere on the car is free, you don't pay extra for that

[hatersaurusrex]

Rust Free.......yea, all the rust everywhere on the car is free, you don't pay extra for that

Hahaah I should have put that in there.

[Ghoste]

Thats funny. 

[John_Kunkel]

You forgot:

11. One-Owner Car.

So what? What's that prove?

[jaak]

You forgot:

11. One-Owner Car.

So what? What's that prove?

True. That statement is so overused. I would rather have a car that had 20 owners that took care of it than 1 owner that left it outside to rot.

Jason

[TUFCAT]

Awesome and very clever     Much of that's true!  

[bakerhillpins]

Thats funny.  

No doubt!

12. All the hard work is done - Rather than using a respected body shop I removed previously rusted panels using a tin can opener from my knock off Swiss army knife. Then I attached all new metal panels using super glue and and a stick welder. Filled, blocked (see, it's up off the floor), and primed. Ready for what ever color you want.

[hatersaurusrex]

You forgot:

11. One-Owner Car.

So what? What's that prove?

True. That statement is so overused. I would rather have a car that had 20 owners that took care of it than 1 owner that left it outside to rot.

Jason

I talked to a guy recently who said he was only the third owner of a '68 - as if that meant anything.  The first owner drove it for a few years and sold it - the second owner let it sit and ruin for 40 years.  Now he has it - and it's rusty.

[tan top]

 hahah ,  those  funny  , sadly  closer to the truth these days  ,       

[XS29L9Bxxxxxx]

I like when someone writes, "tens of thousands invested" "sacrifice at..."

Yeah, where are those twins of thousands at? Your fuel costs over the past 20 years don't count, and current catalog prices for stuff you bought from the internet doesn't count, either.

[Kern Dog]

Nice topic and quite accurate!
Regarding the "One owner" reference: I see dealers or ebay sellers use this crap all too often. A car that has had one owner should still be OWNED by the original owner. Any person or business that takes possession afterwards eliminates the possibility that the car still has had one owner. If you inherited the car from a family member, it could be called a "One-family" owned car. If you bought it but never registered it in your name, it makes no difference. If YOU are selling it because YOU have bought it from someone, it is no longer a ONE owner car.

My 70 Charger was listed as..."Interior 80% restored". It had a new headliner in a box and new carpet. The seats were worn out, the dash had cracks, the door panels were original too. It was such a good deal though, I didn't care.

[Homerr]

13.  Roller - As soon as I put the rear axle back in.  And get some old tires put on those dented rims.  Bring your own vice grips to put on the steering column threads, which reminds me that the center link is missing too.  I got a rock to use as an e-brake if you want it.


14.  Project car - I disassembled the car, saw all the rust, and after one call to a body shop realized that buying cigarettes is more important.  The parts to put it all back together are there: in my garage, the shed out back, in the basement, and at my friend's house.   No, really it's all there in the them boxes.  It'd be easy just to screw it all back together and wouldn't need to drop $10k on parts that are missing.  Honest!

[1974dodgecharger]

LMAO......THIS IS EXCELLENT AND FUNNY AS HELL 

[Kern Dog]

Nice additions, Homerr.   

[tan top]

# 15 -----   car been blasted / striped to bare metal ,  all rot cut out & replaced with fresh metal ,  ready for paint !! .

  what it really means cars been blasted to bare metal , owner has tried to cover all the bare metal body shell with one small rattle can of primer ,  dumped all the parts back in the car , coved in with a holed tarp , & left it out side for 10 years  ,  car now looks like its been at the bottom of the alantic for 40 years  

seen cars like this on ebay a few times !!

[draftingmonkey]

You forgot:
11. One-Owner Car.

Actually that means it only had one owner on the title at a time. No telling how many times it had one owner.

[A383Wing]

16) Ran when parked.....(yea, 40 years ago, it's frozen solid now from sitting outside unprotected in the weeds)

[6spd68]

Lady Driven - May not have been mechanically beaten on, but looks like it has physically been through a war.  Had it's oil changed when it was convenient to her.  Has had check engine/brake lights on for the last 10000 miles.  Interior tastefully decorated in old clothes/shoes/takeout containers. Ect...

[Slowpoke]

Lady Driven - May not have been mechanically beaten on, but looks like it has physically been through a war.  Had it's oil changed when it was convenient to her.  Has had check engine/brake lights on for the last 10000 miles.  Interior tastefully decorated in old clothes/shoes/takeout containers. Ect...

Have you been looking in my daughters car? That describes it perfectly. 

[Ghoste]

Oh yeah, nailed it on the lady driven one buddy. 

[Cooter]

"It's a Hemi".
You get there and the distributor is in the back.....

[bill440rt]

New trunk floor: The floor is just thrown in the trunk, on top of the old one not attached to anything.

Bodywork just finished: Can see pop rivets and bondo poking thru the backsides of the quarters inside the trunk.

New paint: Everything is painted over, including latches, weatherstripping, and TIRES.

I've witnessed all of the above on the SAME CAR! 

[ws23rt]

New trunk floor: The floor is just thrown in the trunk, on top of the old one not attached to anything.

Bodywork just finished: Can see pop rivets and bondo poking thru the backsides of the quarters inside the trunk.

New paint: Everything is painted over, including latches, weatherstripping, and TIRES.

I've witnessed all of the above on the SAME CAR! 

  Was that car red/green with lots of duct tape?----love that show----

[bill440rt]

New trunk floor: The floor is just thrown in the trunk, on top of the old one not attached to anything.

Bodywork just finished: Can see pop rivets and bondo poking thru the backsides of the quarters inside the trunk.

New paint: Everything is painted over, including latches, weatherstripping, and TIRES.

I've witnessed all of the above on the SAME CAR! 

  Was that car red/green with lots of duct tape?----love that show----

Actually, YES it was! 

It had some real bad Earl Schieb paint job on it (I mean REAL bad!), and a cobbled together green interior. It might have had duct tape somewhere on it I'm sure. 

[Homerr]

17.  Show winner  - Won people's choice at the car show down at the local pub.  You swept the voting with 5 of your friends voting for your car and you walked away with a $2 trophy.  You're a special snowflake.

[Tilar]

16) Ran when parked.....(yea, 40 years ago, it's frozen solid now from sitting outside unprotected in the weeds)

yeah, Didn't they all run till they were parked?

[Ghoste]

And don't you love "for sale by owner"?  Who else was going to be selling it?

[Homerr]

Come on Ghoste, that leads straight to:

18.  Selling for a friend  Friend lives in the 1800's and has no internet.  Please excuse my crappy cell phone pics, I was only able to look at the car quickly.  I'll try to describe it as best I can:  4 wheels, motor, and it's blue.  Send your questions to me, I'll try to get in touch with my friend to answer them.

[Ghoste]

Haha, yeah and hopefully you'll offer enough to let me convince my complete stranger friend to sell that car I spotted beside his house.

[6spd68]

These are the adds I've always avoided at all costs.  Those cars are usually overpriced anyway.

[Homerr]

I always figured they are some guy that looked at an unadvertised car, took a couple pics, and then advertised it himself with markup.  If you want it he'll buy it for you from the 'friend'.

[Cncguy]

I think restored actually means removed from garage then re stored in garage