I have a question...off topic....a real one!

[Ram07]

Not gonna say my life story...was not so bad until a few years ago!

Thinking I did just fine as far as responsibility goes, still doing it...little girl is in university, and being well taken care of...

Now, it's just me...I think perhaps...things are not going so well for me....beer. perhaps...well yeah...beer!

So. if anyone has a suggestion, besides AA...I'm all ears....I don't drink daily...or have withdraw, and continue to work...just part time, but do it well...no problems there...

But, I'm kinda f**ked...sorry...I think....lots of days off, and those days...are not cool...I'm on my 17th right now...so yeah...

Did called for some little counseling...seems odd....I'm one that does it....sooo..

Yeah, real guys, unknown to me, how do you give yourself a kick in the ass, and snap otta shit?


Suggestions...?

[tsmithae]

I'll admit that I've been having a tough time with things lately due to an injury, not working, no running (my stress relief). and a whole lot of other things... Anyways, what seems to help me is reaching out to friends and trying to reestablish a feeling of being rooted and friendship.  I kinda locked myself away from people and drank and eventually I started reaching out to friends and realizing they were worried about me.  That got the ball rolling and I started watching some of the TED talks, started working on my car when possible, started dating again, and things are definitely looking up.  I wound up taking a break from the alcohol (even just a short one to get my head right, I drink occasionally now) as it is a depressant and can really compound the issues. 

I really hope some of this helps and if you want, you are more than welcome to reach out and PM me. 

[Ram07]

.

[dkn1997]

Not gonna say my life story...was not so bad until a few years ago!

Thinking I did just fine as far as responsibility goes, still doing it...little girl is in university, and being well taken care of...

Now, it's just me...I think perhaps...things are not going so well for me....beer. perhaps...well yeah...beer!

So. if anyone has a suggestion, besides AA...I'm all ears....I don't drink daily...or have withdraw, and continue to work...just part time, but do it well...no problems there...

But, I'm kinda fucked...sorry...I think....lots of days off, and those days...are not cool...I'm on my 17th right now...so yeah...

Did called for some little counseling...seems odd....I'm one that does it....sooo..

Yeah, real guys, unknown to me, how do you give yourself a kick in the ass, and snap otta shit?


Suggestions...?

Hi.  Id suggest getting a ride to an AA meeting.  NOW.  You are in a mess right now and that doesnt make you bad. You admitted you have a problem and thats great.  Now get some help.  Its not ok to keep doing this.  I dont want to sound harsh but you are a drunk.  Not all drunks lose the job or get bombed every day and live on the street.  Go to a few meetings....go sober and listen. 

[XH29N0G]

Not gonna say my life story...was not so bad until a few years ago!

Thinking I did just fine as far as responsibility goes, still doing it...little girl is in university, and being well taken care of...

Now, it's just me...I think perhaps...things are not going so well for me....beer. perhaps...well yeah...beer!

So. if anyone has a suggestion, besides AA...I'm all ears....I don't drink daily...or have withdraw, and continue to work...just part time, but do it well...no problems there...

But, I'm kinda fucked...sorry...I think....lots of days off, and those days...are not cool...I'm on my 17th right now...so yeah...

Did called for some little counseling...seems odd....I'm one that does it....sooo..

Yeah, real guys, unknown to me, how do you give yourself a kick in the ass, and snap otta shit?


Suggestions...?

Hi.  Id suggest getting a ride to an AA meeting.  NOW.  You are in a mess right now and that doesnt make you bad. You admitted you have a problem and thats great.  Now get some help.  Its not ok to keep doing this. 

I agree.

[Ram07]

Not gonna say my life story...was not so bad until a few years ago!

Thinking I did just fine as far as responsibility goes, still doing it...little girl is in university, and being well taken care of...

Now, it's just me...I think perhaps...things are not going so well for me....beer. perhaps...well yeah...beer!

So. if anyone has a suggestion, besides AA...I'm all ears....I don't drink daily...or have withdraw, and continue to work...just part time, but do it well...no problems there...

But, I'm kinda fucked...sorry...I think....lots of days off, and those days...are not cool...I'm on my 17th right now...so yeah...

Did called for some little counseling...seems odd....I'm one that does it....sooo..

Yeah, real guys, unknown to me, how do you give yourself a kick in the ass, and snap otta shit?


Suggestions...?

Hi.  Id suggest getting a ride to an AA meeting.  NOW.  You are in a mess right now and that doesnt make you bad. You admitted you have a problem and thats great.  Now get some help.  Its not ok to keep doing this.  I dont want to sound harsh but you are a drunk.  Not all drunks lose the job or get bombed every day and live on the street.  Go to a few meetings....go sober and listen.  

Thanks for that tid bit...I know what I am...been to AA in the past...not for me...

Not a full blown drunk yet...so don't insult me when asking for advice...I just see a pattern happening, that I don't
want to follow...


ask for advice, be accused of being a drunk right away....

[twodko]

I loathe cliches but "you've already taken the first step". You have a chronic drinking issue and have owned up to it. Continue to pursue counseling because it will help you identify why you're hurting yourself. Another tool for your roll-around is church. You don't have to be a bible thumper to benefit from going to church.

You've got to get out of the house too. Go to a movie even if its by yourself. Get physically active, you don't have to be a gym rat
to get some exercise. Step outside your door and go for a walk.........often. Little things........little steps........you'll be back to the guy you like in no time.

Go to some AA meetings. Its not embarrassing, you have not failed at anything, you're not a bad person you just need a hand. The hand that you need is at the end of your arm. Use it to look up the nearest AA meeting. Your daughter and all the people that love you need you healthy, steady and good to go. Don't tell yourself "you'll try" thats the same as saying "I'll fail". Man up bro, make it happen. My final bit of advice is.......go to some AA meetings. Though you feel its "not for you" go anyway

[twodko]

"Not a full blown drunk yet...so don't insult me when asking for advice"

You ask us for advice and we're offering our hearts to you. The full on defensiveness in your sentence above tells the story.

[Ram07]

Again, thanks for advice....no to AA, been there done that...it helps, but not for me...

I manned up years ago, that why I'm asking for advise...

Drinking is not a cowards way out for me, just boredom it seems....would be happy to share my woes with anyone who may be curious...no hard luck story, so to speak....just a s**t thing that happened, that led to a change of lifestyle...one that involves, well everything you could think of...hobby job wise, perhaps hearing?

Nore more AA advice...someone somewhere had a buddy that drank too much, and they got a kick in the Butt....so to speak

[Ram07]

messages crossed...I have a buddy from back in the day that was an alcoholic, saw him lose everything...not like him....just starting on the wrong path that he went down...

[Ram07]

"Not a full blown drunk yet...so don't insult me when asking for advice"

You ask us for advice and we're offering our hearts to you. The full on defensiveness in your sentence above tells the story.

and I can say I have a problem, but...not a drunk yet....trying to avoid that...and thank you...advice is good....I may be stubborn....no AA...tried it....just not for me....

[myk]

I'm a firm believer that people are 99% responsible for how their lives go; I say 99% because you can't help it if one day you step outside and a piano or a safe falls and kills you.  If you want your life to be a certain way then you have to look at yourself in the mirror and declare that's EXACTLY how you're going to live your life and MAKE it that way; it's all about self-control, discipline, and the understanding that you will fail/fall every once in a while, but the key is to learn from it and not let it stop your progress. 

I think support groups, counseling and peer involvement can help some people; personally I think we give too much credit to these things, because ultimately it's YOU that is responsible for initiating the changes (for better or worse) in your life.  So if you think you have a drinking problem don't wait for external inspiration; start by changing things right here, right now, and then use the aforementioned support pieces to maintain yourself.  Let your mind and will control your life, don't let life control your mind and your will...

[Ram07]

yes, I agree...

Believe it or not, I am one of those that support folks, nothing interferes with my work life....

I'm looking for a alternative type of help, if you will....one that maybe puts me in my place...if ya know what I mean...or, something like it....

Today was bad, I'm weak theses days....I'm on beer 17. no shit....but...well....got nothin'....

Go back to work Thursday....won't drink after tonight.......this is where i seem to be lost, but I know what I mean...

and yeah, my fault, ima dumbass....now need to change things up...

[XH29N0G]

No harm intended with my post.  Just trying to give an honest opinion and to help.  In cases I know I have seen AA work.  If that is not for you, find something else that works for you.  For me, hanging in and getting a good dose of getting perspective on what is important in the long haul keeps my balance.  It stinks when things are bad, but even if it takes time, it will get better, and it sounds like you are already planning how to do that. 

[polywideblock]

found myself going down this road after my marriage of 27 years went south       ,I put limits on myself   
          nothing!!! till after tea (dinner) made myself stick to it, was hard when you just want to forget everything and wallow in self pity but it can be done .
the hard part is getting out of bed in the morning , try getting an old fashioned alarm clock and put it near your bedroom door so you have to get out of bed  to turn it off  . once your out, STAY OUT  no booze   and go to work.   its really up to you to get on your own case , I'm proof it can be done just be an asshole to yourself (no mercy) 
              hope your situation improves  (probably the wrong thing to put here but  )

[Paul G]

I have no advice, never been where you are. I can only ask two questions. 1) Where would you like to see yourself a year from now? 2) What do you have to do to get yourself there?

A person can quit drinking, quit smoking, quit over eating, doesn't matter what the crutch is. You have to want to quit, for yourself, for your own well being. There is only one you!   

[ws23rt]

There are many like you in that you say you are a supportive type and the problem you have does not affect your life or your job.

Helping others as you say you do is what you need to do for yourself.

How is it that you can be good counsel for someone else and deny your self the same?

Also asking for advice from strangers and friends like you did tells a tale. And your cherry picking the advice you hear is not a good sign. It feels like you just need a pat on the back and understanding that you are bummed.

Do you need your mom to take away something? Or your dad to spank you?   Grow the fuck up.

Some need to see the bottom to climb back up. ---Is that you?

Edit---The Philip Seymore Hoffman topic seems to fit with this thread.  This man has been through what you are going through and more.  If you think you have control of your chosen drug ask again.---- Who is in charge here?----

[twodko]

I have to agree here.

Keep in mind that this is a family forum yeah?

[General_01]

The issue seems to be down time, so you need to keep yourself busy. Is there anything you want to change around the house? Painting, redoing a bathroom, landscape the yard? Offer to help friends with any home projects they have going on.

Or you could volunteer for things around town on your days off.

Just make plans to go do something on your days off. 

[ws23rt]

I have to agree here.

Keep in mind that this is a family forum yeah?

I apologize for the language but don't want to edit it. Some words have force that is of value. My daughter is surprised when I use the word and I tell her there is a place for the power of words and if they are misused the power is lost.

[Ram07]

There are many like you in that you say you are a supportive type and the problem you have does not affect your life or your job.

Helping others as you say you do is what you need to do for yourself.

How is it that you can be good counsel for someone else and deny your self the same?

Also asking for advice from strangers and friends like you did tells a tale. And your cherry picking the advice you hear is not a good sign. It feels like you just need a pat on the back and understanding that you are bummed.

Do you need your mom to take away something? Or your dad to spank you?   Grow the fuck up.

Some need to see the bottom to climb back up. ---Is that you?

Edit---The Philip Seymore Hoffman topic seems to fit with this thread.  This man has been through what you are going through and more.  If you think you have control of your chosen drug ask again.---- Who is in charge here?----

All replies welcome...I'm in charge of me...maybe my Mom taking something away would be good, but she died last year, the father has been dead for many years...going into a program, is much more difficult than you think.....probably a person like you in real life would be helpful....got some empathy, but no sympathy...and know...I have not seen the bottom...

[Ram07]

I have to agree here.

Keep in mind that this is a family forum yeah?

Don't know if this is directed at me, but...what's your point...a guy asking for advice seems okay to me...




And, started painting the house today, to keep busy!

[dkn1997]

Not gonna say my life story...was not so bad until a few years ago!

Thinking I did just fine as far as responsibility goes, still doing it...little girl is in university, and being well taken care of...

Now, it's just me...I think perhaps...things are not going so well for me....beer. perhaps...well yeah...beer!

So. if anyone has a suggestion, besides AA...I'm all ears....I don't drink daily...or have withdraw, and continue to work...just part time, but do it well...no problems there...

But, I'm kinda fucked...sorry...I think....lots of days off, and those days...are not cool...I'm on my 17th right now...so yeah...

Did called for some little counseling...seems odd....I'm one that does it....sooo..

Yeah, real guys, unknown to me, how do you give yourself a kick in the ass, and snap otta shit?


Suggestions...?

Hi.  Id suggest getting a ride to an AA meeting.  NOW.  You are in a mess right now and that doesnt make you bad. You admitted you have a problem and thats great.  Now get some help.  Its not ok to keep doing this.  I dont want to sound harsh but you are a drunk.  Not all drunks lose the job or get bombed every day and live on the street.  Go to a few meetings....go sober and listen.  

Thanks for that tid bit...I know what I am...been to AA in the past...not for me...

Not a full blown drunk yet...so don't insult me when asking for advice...I just see a pattern happening, that I don't
want to follow...


ask for advice, be accused of being a drunk right away....

Maybe the "tough love" isnt right approach but i promise you one thing:  some of the advice you have gotten here that amounts to get a hobby wont fix whats broken in you.  Hell,man....we are all broken in some way.  You come on here and ask for suggestions from a group of strangers.  Some of them have already shared their own experiences with you....thats exactly what goes on in person with real people in AA or any other type of group. You have to know this because you said you went for a little.  Im curious why it wasnt for you when you went?  I sincerely wish you well.  There are people in my life on both ends of the spectrum: in recovery and in denial. Like you, ill spare everyone my life story but the condensed version is the ones in denial never lost a job, lost a house, dont drink every day, and are great people.  Great people that i respect and have hurt me more than anyone ever has. Great people i love whos phone calls i now screen if its after 6pm

[ws23rt]

There are many like you in that you say you are a supportive type and the problem you have does not affect your life or your job.

Helping others as you say you do is what you need to do for yourself.

How is it that you can be good counsel for someone else and deny your self the same?

Also asking for advice from strangers and friends like you did tells a tale. And your cherry picking the advice you hear is not a good sign. It feels like you just need a pat on the back and understanding that you are bummed.

Do you need your mom to take away something? Or your dad to spank you?   Grow the fuck up.

Some need to see the bottom to climb back up. ---Is that you?

Edit---The Philip Seymore Hoffman topic seems to fit with this thread.  This man has been through what you are going through and more.  If you think you have control of your chosen drug ask again.---- Who is in charge here?----

All replies welcome...I'm in charge of me...maybe my Mom taking something away would be good, but she died last year, the father has been dead for many years...going into a program, is much more difficult than you think.....probably a person like you in real life would be helpful....got some empathy, but no sympathy...and know...I have not seen the bottom...

There is no need to see the bottom.  But knowing how far down it is should scare the sh-t out of you.

I have seen people at the bottom in passing and in my family.  A few years ago my sister was at the bottom. I and our siblings did an intervention to keep her off the streets. She did well for a year and a half but her old ways took her life.

She only had herself to take care of but could not even do that.

You have a family to care for? If so do that at least. Than you can let yourself go as you will.  But don't forget the empact it will have on those that care for you and will wonder for ever if there was something they could have done to help you.

We don't go through this life alone. What you do to yourself affects many others that you care for.

[ACUDANUT]

Ram, I am with you on this boat.  I feel your pain. Do you have a wife or girlfriend ?  It sounds like you need to get out of the house and have fun.

[ACUDANUT]

Ram... Come here..http://www.dodgecharger.com/forum/index.php/topic,96647.0.html

[RallyeMike]

Some people have the willpower to get control themselves. Some don't. Since you are asking public opinion, I think you are in the later category. So you can consider that a challenge, or try AA a time or two and see if it helps. It has worked for some people I know, and from the people I have talked to, AA is very inviting and supportive of a newbie. If it's not for you, you can always leave without obligation.

You are the best 17-beer speller/typist I have ever seen. You at least have that going for you. Good luck.

[djcarguy]

  howdy Ram hope ya got some sleep an feel little better?? its coming up on 13 years sence i was put out of work. did the drinking an self med for yrs.,   


   most of the time i cant have any boose in house,,totally bad when iam on my meds..  Think if ya reread thread later today ya may see lots of concern an guys trying to reach out to you ,,may not been best timing with the beer in ya for it..

please take care for yourself an ya girl. may not seem like it always but our kids still need us around an know they can come ta us when it hits the fan in thier young lives..


         take care an just keep working on a better life an year for yaself an love ones.  feel free to PM iam here alot ,not posting alot latly..holdon an take care.    mopar an human fellow traveler,lattter DJ

    got pixs of family an gran kid an wing  an mopar models an toys right around me here at keyboard. kid moved so me an empty house last week an half. measured his room to see which car may fit if i knock out a wall.. 3 bedroom mancave an parts storage,, i guess...?

[Dino]

Find professional help, not car guy help.

[4cruzin]

So I really don't know much about you but I have been there . . . . I call it bored with life.  Drinking can be fun and a way to entertain yourself when alone . . . . and when out in the world.  I like beer as well . . . but I found that I needed to have some kind of project to keep me busy.  I have many hobbies . . . cars, boats, guitars, bowling, pool league, my dog, house and other things.  I spend alot of time by myself . . . . I live between Detroit and Lansing and my wife works in Chicago so she is gone 4 days out of the week and sometimes more.  When home I hardly see her then!  I have no kids and the same age as you are.  Lately I have been painting at my mothers house to stay busy.  I have been selling mopar parts, cleaning the garage, working on the car and keep adding to my list of things to do!  One thing I don't ususally do is sit on my ass . . . have to stay busy. 

As for beer . . . I'm into fresh beer . . . typically IPA or something strong. Microbrews is pretty much all I will drink.  Try to limit myself as I don't like to wake up feeling like sh!t. 

[General_01]

I have to agree here.

Keep in mind that this is a family forum yeah?

Don't know if this is directed at me, but...what's your point...a guy asking for advice seems okay to me...




And, started painting the house today, to keep busy!

[twodko]

I meant no offense or condescension Ram. I just think it's better to limit some heavy off color words here that's all.

The earlier comment about being the best 17 beer speller/typist was way funny. True too. 

I'm not perfect and have had my battles too. Mine was with weed taken up when I was in the military 79-76.
I'm not proud of that but I served honorably and did my job.

I was confident and sure smoking weed was recreational.......no different than booze. I was wrong. I did enjoy a full and enjoyable career retiring in 2004 but it was still a plague. Living the nightmare and also having the honor and privilege of being my sweet wife's caregiver brought me around. It wasn't easy but I'm clean now. I lost her last February and have found myself hitting wine pretty hard. I'm getting out and doing stuff making a new life but it's so hard. I can appreciate where you at. Being alone even when one is with friends is awful.
I was only reaching out to you not preaching. Life sucks for me these days so I know all about tiny steps taking each day as it comes.

[firefighter3931]

Ram07

This time of year can be brutal, especially with the crap weather. My recommendation is to go to a physician who specializes in affective disorders. You could very well be suffering from SADS (seasonal affective disorder syndrome) and that can be helped with meds and phototherapy. It's not uncommon to see people self medicate with alcohol/drugs when they are in a depressive state. The last thing you need is to compound the current issue with a substance abuse problem 

Yes, you have a drinking problem but it is a by product of the primary illness.  Fix/address the first one and the second will take care of itself. 

FWIW, i've worked in the mental health field for many years (as well as being a career Firefighter) and spent 5 years exclusively on an affective disorders unit. I've seen what you're going through many times and it can be treated. Take that first step and see what happens. Good luck....i know you can overcome this 



Ron

[cdr]

FEB 17 WILL be 9 years sober for me,IF YOU DONT WANT AA, just keep drinkin you'll figure it out.

[BrianShaughnessy]

 I don't really know many people that can even type after 17 beers.     

My ex could guzzle a liter of vodka and chase it with beers over the course of a night but there was no doubt she was a full blown alchy.   And truthfully I don't know if she's even still alive 

  My guess is you're trying to reach out but you're really afraid of having to give up the sauce... that's too bad.   Good luck.

  I have 2 friends right now that are in line for 3rd time felony dwi's and either facing jail or at least losing their drivers' licenses for LIFE.   They don't want to give up the sauce either.   

  Again... good luck.

[ACUDANUT]

Ram07

This time of year can be brutal, especially with the crap weather. My recommendation is to go to a physician who specializes in affective disorders. You could very well be suffering from SADS (seasonal affective disorder syndrome) and that can be helped with meds and phototherapy. It's not uncommon to see people self medicate with alcohol/drugs when they are in a depressive state. The last thing you need is to compound the current issue with a substance abuse problem 

Yes, you have a drinking problem but it is a by product of the primary illness.  Fix/address the first one and the second will take care of itself. 

FWIW, i've worked in the mental health field for many years (as well as being a career Firefighter) and spent 5 years exclusively on an affective disorders unit. I've seen what you're going through many times and it can be treated. Take that first step and see what happens. Good luck....i know you can overcome this 



Ron

Very well said. I hope your okay.

[Ram07]

Thanks for the replies, It helps...made a few calls that night, went for an evaluation yesterday to see what the right path for me to follow is.

Sometimes you just need to hear things from a strangers point of view, that's why I posted it here.

I'll answer a couple of things that were mentioned.. AA (here at least) was based on way to much religion..not for me.

Underlying problem is a nasty inner ear/loss of balance/loss of hearing thing, that caused a job loss (work part time now, much different kind of job), and all previous hobbies I used to have, can no longer do. Have one ear that they say is nerve damaged, that can be fixed, but it's expensive, and not covered for me...just took a huge chunk of change from my retirement fund to address that.

Downtime is the worst, yes, going out is a problem because of the ear thing.

Oh, and took out all the bad words, sorry about that....was drinking...  

Finally, the typing thing...well...just say I type really slow when I've had a few, and spell check is your friend..

[moparsr2fast]

  I had a close friend drink his self to death in his mid 30s. He went thru rehab but just couldn't shake it. Sometimes, we need something stronger then ourselves. I'm sorry " religion " is not for you, because an ernest relationship with Christ could be what you need Russell. I would take firefighters advice, and look into the cause of your situation, and maybe read a bit of God's word on your own on occassion. 

[cdr]

hey RAM if you ever want to talk send me a pm.

[Ram07]

 I had a close friend drink his self to death in his mid 30s. He went thru rehab but just couldn't shake it. Sometimes, we need something stronger then ourselves. I'm sorry " religion " is not for you, because an ernest relationship with Christ could be what you need Russell. I would take firefighters advice, and look into the cause of your situation, and maybe read a bit of God's word on your own on occassion.  

I already took his advice... Off to see a Therapist this afternoon....saw him years ago, he helped out a lot.

I had one friend drop dead because of drinking...true story, they won 100k, back in the early 80's, cashed it in..went on a wild drunk...dead in his car the next morning..., watched another close friend lose everything he had...he's homeless now, too bad, very smart guy as well.

One thing I learned from one of my sisters today, through an email of course...Was, back in the day, before I was born, up until I was 6-7, my Father was an Alcoholic, and a nasty one at that! Who knew, I'm 50 now, he's been dead for 26 years...I never saw him ever have a drink...

[polywideblock]

glad to see you taking the first steps     chin up and keep walking  

              have seen a lot of mates over the years go from being "all f*cked up" on drugs/booze  to being "all f*cked up " on god when they went to AA or rehab   seems religious groups prey on the venerable to  me, saying their helping. and I'm not a practicing one but am R.C .    

              what happened to your hearing ?  was it recent ? I lost 70% hearing in my left ear and developed a "lean" to the left        years ago. you learn to compensate     I also ware  out my left shoe way faster that the right and can't ride a bike anymore  but I don't "go round in circles " or anything  when walking

you can overcome anything with the right attitude and some help

[Ram07]

I don't really know many people that can even type after 17 beers.     

My ex could guzzle a liter of vodka and chase it with beers over the course of a night but there was no doubt she was a full blown alchy.   And truthfully I don't know if she's even still alive 

  My guess is you're trying to reach out but you're really afraid of having to give up the sauce... that's too bad.   Good luck.

  I have 2 friends right now that are in line for 3rd time felony dwi's and either facing jail or at least losing their drivers' licenses for LIFE.   They don't want to give up the sauce either.   

  Again... good luck

Wanted to reply to this one...I'll give up anything to get fixed...

At times, money is tight, especially with a "thing" going on...So...do my thing, ya know, pay bills, get the daughter through school, save some, perhaps...

But, one must think when a silly purchase was done, that was not really needed...

I bought a truck...really had no reason to own one right now...so...after a couple of months...it's gone...I tossed it, happy to say, never lost a dime on it...

[djcarguy]

    hay sent ya a PM  . sounds like a better day an some plans for a better year already,good to hear.take care DJ

[ACUDANUT]

 No 07 Ram huh. What do you drive then ?

[A383Wing]

You need help Ram....and you are the only one that can do it if you want....if AA and other "help" options are not for you, then you obviously don't see the real problem here.

I think yer issues are deeper rooted than you might think....maybe seek out a psychologist and see what they say

maybe I read too much between the lines, but maybe that's the real answer

[ws23rt]

I don't really know many people that can even type after 17 beers.    

My ex could guzzle a liter of vodka and chase it with beers over the course of a night but there was no doubt she was a full blown alchy.   And truthfully I don't know if she's even still alive  

 My guess is you're trying to reach out but you're really afraid of having to give up the sauce... that's too bad.   Good luck.

 I have 2 friends right now that are in line for 3rd time felony dwi's and either facing jail or at least losing their drivers' licenses for LIFE.   They don't want to give up the sauce either.  

 Again... good luck

Wanted to reply to this one...I'll give up anything to get fixed...

At times, money is tight, especially with a "thing" going on...So...do my thing, ya know, pay bills, get the daughter through school, save some, perhaps...

But, one must think when a silly purchase was done, that was not really needed...

I bought a truck...really had no reason to own one right now...so...after a couple of months...it's gone...I tossed it, happy to say, never lost a dime on it...

Hey Ramo7   From this  post and a couple of others it seems that you know the answers to the questions you ask of us.  

To me you are just asking for a hug and you will do what you will do anyway.  You clearly have a depression issue that comes and goes (we all do) and you have a drinking problem that you use to help deal with that depression.

I have said before that some folks need to see the bottom before they change their path. Most will say---not me--- and those that have been at the bottom and lived to tell about it will agree with this.  You do not know that you are not one of those.

The best advice I have is to assume you are one of those but stop the train before it wrecks your life further and those that love you.  That is your task and no one can do it for you.  Your survivors will wonder what they could have done and feel guilt and pain because they did not do more. (they can do no more than ask you to stop your train wreck).

BTW this is something that is a long term project and a reminder is that we only have one try at the long term

[Mike DC]

 


It probably took a variety of life circumstances being wrong to get you where you are.  Diet, exercise, mental outlook on the world, amount of structure in your daily life, etc.    

So it's probably going to take a variety of changes to really fix things.  



Some of those negative factors probably don't seem really bad on their own, but the effect is cumulative.  
Likewise, some of the positive steps you need to take probably won't seem very worthwhile on their own, but . .



Also - Have you ever met anyone who walks a couple miles per day (recreationally), and is still really depressed?  It sounds like a boring answer to life's problems but it helps a lot.

 

[ws23rt]

It probably took a variety of life circumstances being wrong to get you where you are.  Diet, exercise, mental outlook on the world, amount of structure in your daily life, etc.    

So it's probably going to take a variety of changes to really fix things.  



Some of those negative factors probably don't seem really bad on their own, but the effect is cumulative.  
Likewise, some of the positive steps you need to take probably won't seem very worthwhile on their own, but . .



Also - Have you ever met anyone who walks a couple miles per day (recreationally), and is still really depressed?  It sounds like a boring answer to life's problems but it helps a lot.

 

Great advice---alone quiet time with exercise---  And a dedicated routine

[firefighter3931]

Off to see a Therapist this afternoon....saw him years ago, he helped out a lot.

Excellent news 


Ron

[twodko]

 

[Ram07]

Okay, I'll answer a few, you guys are very helpful, and thanks for that...

Of course I'm going for help, saw a couple of folks already, had an evaluation done, set goals, yes...it will be long term...

AA, not the right move for me...can't help what one thinks, right...I did have a sponsor at one time, good guy, a  badass if you will...lot's of chats with that man...but too much religion for me...so...no...everyone is entitled to their own believes...

What happened to my hearing, don't know...it's unexplained, just did... To put it in the simplest way I can think of...you know when your ears plug up...like on a plane taking off? It was like that, they just plugged up...thought nothing of it at the time...went to go to my buddies house to work on a car...got a little light headed...then very dizzy...couldn't walk by the time I got home, & hours of constant spins...not cool...

That night, maybe the morning, I forget....when I wasn't  spinning, went to ER, I was put off work....worked in a Mine, that was over 13 yrs ago. It's called Meniere's Disease.

Its a life changing thing for sure, try to imagine, everything you loved to do working on cars, houses....manual labour type things, just stop, you are not physically able to do it...ya don't look sick....but..., that also includes the hobbies, snowmobiling, boating and so on...hard to explain, but that's the way it was......you would have to look it up...a divorced followed, and so on...and no, not looking for sympathy, takes some getting used to.

One top of that...there is the loss of hearing. You don't really notice much, when it just affects one side. In my case, the left side.

What really gets your attention, is waking up deaf, nothing...can't hear yourself speak. That has happened 2-3 times, longest was for over 3 weeks...yes, hearing came back on the right side, but just a little worse than what it was before..each time.

Anyway...booze helped out at first....a weak moment if you will..it lead me to where I am today...

Kinda long winded, yes...sorry. I have learned a lot, I'm kinda smart in some ways, gathered back most of the old hobbies....just am very slow at doing them now...

Have been to countless Drs...haha, glad to be Canadian on that one...have learned that the right side is "probably" nerve damage, from working in a very loud /vibrating environment for years, so, that side can be fixed, but...I need to pay upfront(hearing aids and tests are not covered, but will get paid back), not cheap, and money was always an issue...the whole starting over, kid in university thing...gotta take care of my kids first....  

I could keep yapping, but getting to long already...but that's my story...

I tossed a truck I bought....it really was not needed, just liked it, that saved a few bucks each month, rules at my old employers benefits thing changed, took out quite a bit...enough to cover the cost of getting fixed....and drop some cash in the daughters account for schooling, for a least the next year or more...

Now, I'm fixing the rest of me. A plan is in place...dealing with 2 different agencies....so yeah, all good...

Thanks for the support...and yes, I walk a lot...have two dogs....I'm just a dumbass...that drinks too much when he is bored...girlfriends...no...lost a second time on that one....so...no...

Thanks again, now you know sorta what it is...

[The70RT]

Sorry to hear all of this, I thought I was in the dumps. I haven't got any advice but thought I would say I really hope you get well and everything turns around for the better sooner or later 

[Fred]

Okay, I'll answer a few, you guys are very helpful, and thanks for that...

Of course I'm going for help, saw a couple of folks already, had an evaluation done, set goals, yes...it will be long term...

AA, not the right move for me...can't help what one thinks, right...I did have a sponsor at one time, good guy, a  badass if you will...lot's of chats with that man...but too much religion for me...so...no...everyone is entitled to their own believes...

What happened to my hearing, don't know...it's unexplained, just did... To put it in the simplest way I can think of...you know when your ears plug up...like on a plane taking off? It was like that, they just plugged up...thought nothing of it at the time...went to go to my buddies house to work on a car...got a little light headed...then very dizzy...couldn't walk by the time I got home, & hours of constant spins...not cool...

That night, maybe the morning, I forget....when I wasn't  spinning, went to ER, I was put off work....worked in a Mine, that was over 13 yrs ago. It's called Meniere's Disease.

Its a life changing thing for sure, try to imagine, everything you loved to do working on cars, houses....manual labour type things, just stop, you are not physically able to do it...ya don't look sick....but..., that also includes the hobbies, snowmobiling, boating and so on...hard to explain, but that's the way it was......you would have to look it up...a divorced followed, and so on...and no, not looking for sympathy, takes some getting used to.

One top of that...there is the loss of hearing. You don't really notice much, when it just affects one side. In my case, the left side.

What really gets your attention, is waking up deaf, nothing...can't hear yourself speak. That has happened 2-3 times, longest was for over 3 weeks...yes, hearing came back on the right side, but just a little worse than what it was before..each time.

Anyway...booze helped out at first....a weak moment if you will..it lead me to where I am today...

Kinda long winded, yes...sorry. I have learned a lot, I'm kinda smart in some ways, gathered back most of the old hobbies....just am very slow at doing them now...

Have been to countless Drs...haha, glad to be Canadian on that one...have learned that the right side is "probably" nerve damage, from working in a very loud /vibrating environment for years, so, that side can be fixed, but...I need to pay upfront(hearing aids and tests are not covered, but will get paid back), not cheap, and money was always an issue...the whole starting over, kid in university thing...gotta take care of my kids first....  

I could keep yapping, but getting to long already...but that's my story...

I tossed a truck I bought....it really was not needed, just liked it, that saved a few bucks each month, rules at my old employers benefits thing changed, took out quite a bit...enough to cover the cost of getting fixed....and drop some cash in the daughters account for schooling, for a least the next year or more...

Now, I'm fixing the rest of me. A plan is in place...dealing with 2 different agencies....so yeah, all good...

Thanks for the support...and yes, I walk a lot...have two dogs....I'm just a dumbass...that drinks too much when he is bored...girlfriends...no...lost a second time on that one....so...no...

Thanks again, now you know sorta what it is...

My mrs. has lived with Meniere's Disease /syndrome for more years than we care to remember. It can be very debilitating. She can go to bed feeling fine and not be able to get up in the morning. Sometimes she has to lay in bed for days. Hard to plan ahead. So I know exactly where you're coming from and what you're suffering. In her case, there's nothing that can be done, she just has to live with it. And I feel so helpless just having to watch her go through this day after day knowing there's no way I can help. I admire her.
Life's a bitch.......all we can do is make the best of it.

[ck1]

Good to hear from you, sounds like your going down the right path, I can relate that it sounds like more of a internal job then a external one.........ya AA is not for me either but after about 25 years of going life is allot better and I feel good, and far as the religion in AA that doesn't agree with me also, but it was brought up to me and its in this silly book I received that I use to prop up one side of my bed post and sometimes read  , that one sentence help me allot more then anything else, "Why don't you choose your own conception of god or higher power?" that will work for me, not other people or other religious beliefs, that help me out the most as far as other people belief's.... hang in there brother I'm praying for you...

P.S. dam this whole post sound like and feels like one of those brain washing AA meetings maybe its my fault LOL...........

[Ram07]

[/quote]My mrs. has lived with Meniere's Disease /syndrome for more years than we care to remember. It can be very debilitating. She can go to bed feeling fine and not be able to get up in the morning. Sometimes she has to lay in bed for days. Hard to plan ahead. So I know exactly where you're coming from and what you're suffering. In her case, there's nothing that can be done, she just has to live with it. And I feel so helpless just having to watch her go through this day after day knowing there's no way I can help. I admire her.
Life's a bitch.......all we can do is make the best of it. [/quote]


There is no cure, but Serc, Anti-Vertigo Agent (24 mg tabs) works well  ....stops the dizziness, wont help with the hearing or constant ringing in the ears..

[Ram07]

No 07 Ram huh. What do you drive then ?

Sold that a long time ago...had picked up a newer dodge a couple months back...got rid of that...drive a Kia Forte 5  

I'll just keep the Ram07 name, Kia11 does not work for me...

[tsmithae]

I'm glad to see you stepped up and are getting this sorted.  I know it won't be an instantaneous result but every little bit helps and eventually it will be a distant memory.  Anytime you are feeling weak and or down, you know you've got a great group of friends that really care about you here.

[Ram07]

  in just a couple of days, have had more advice/thoughts given here then I have anywhere else...and several PMs I might add...

[Fred]

My mrs. has lived with Meniere's Disease /syndrome for more years than we care to remember. It can be very debilitating. She can go to bed feeling fine and not be able to get up in the morning. Sometimes she has to lay in bed for days. Hard to plan ahead. So I know exactly where you're coming from and what you're suffering. In her case, there's nothing that can be done, she just has to live with it. And I feel so helpless just having to watch her go through this day after day knowing there's no way I can help. I admire her.
Life's a bitch.......all we can do is make the best of it. [/quote]

There is no cure, but Serc, Anti-Vertigo Agent (24 mg tabs) works well  ....stops the dizziness, wont help with the hearing or constant ringing in the ears..

She's tried them all to no avail. When she was using serc, she may as well have been popping m&m's for all the effect they had. Occasionally Zofran helps. The good news is, she doesn't have tinnitus or any hearing loss.

Glad they're working for you though. 

[charge69]

Wishing your wife and you nothing but "good" days ahead, Fred. Life can deal you "lemons" for, seemingly, no reason and how you handle it and you attitude towards it can be a major factor in life's everyday hurdles and smooth-sailing eventualities.

You sound like you and your wife are doing a great job dealing with a difficult situation. Blessings to both of you!

You mentioned her not having tinnitus. I have it pretty bad and am service-connected for it but, there is really nothing you can do for it. You just have to find a way to handle it. Even just trying to go to sleep at the end of the day is a test with that overwhelming buzzing tone in your ears. Mine seems to be the worst at night when the house is quiet and I am trying to go to sleep.

A little bit of tinnitus is certainly nothing compared to your wife's Meniere's disease and I sincerely hope better times are ahead for you and her.