Sneaky Parenting...how to control a wayward kid?

[Highbanked Hauler]

  Yep , some love to use the divide and conquer tactic. Mine tried it but had little success but it did leave a mark on our permanent life record. There is no easy way to raise a kid,never has been.

[Lord Warlock]

The axe fell heavy today, wife is home from trip, sat her down and asked if she had anything to admit up front, she copped to the grades but said nothing about the ticket, so I went hard on her.  She hates me anyway, so the hatred can't get much worse.  She basically threatened to move out when she turns 18 and will not tell us where she is afterwards.  Told her she has the right to make that decision, but she'll do so without transportation, plus she also forfeits the paid college education we've set aside for her.  I would think that biting the lip for six months and dealing with the situation was worth getting the chance to go to college out of town for free, but if she truly feels that way, she'll do what she wants anyway, and can't really stop her if she's 18.  Nothing like having your kid cuss you out without fear of retribution, makes me wish i could slap her and knock some sense into her, but the liberals have ruined that for us. 

I just refuse to enable her poor behavior anymore.  I'm kind of pissed that the wife allowed her to do dual enrollment at school, she takes no courses off campus, but she has a shortened school day, and she isn't supposed to wait around the extra two hours to ride the bus home.  Plan on going to talk to the school office to see if there are any options on that front this week.  I'd prefer she rode the bus to and from school, her friends are undependable, she got to school 15 minutes late today because her friend picked her up late.  Tardy for a class she's getting an F in, that goes real well on college transcripts.  Don't think she can even drop the class now.  Too late in the school year.

[Mopar Nut]

She basically threatened to move out when she turns 18 and will not tell us where she is afterwards. 

Buy her a set of luggage for her eighteen birthday and take everything else away.

[RECHRGD]

She basically threatened to move out when she turns 18 and will not tell us where she is afterwards. 

Buy her a set of luggage for her eighteen birthday and take everything else away.

X2

[Lord Warlock]

My decision to stop paying her gas bill was the biggest upsetting thing to her, she seems to think that we should pay her gas bill to and from work, as well as to go party with friends.  I explained I paid for gas whenever i used my parents cars, and whenever i used my own charger.  I delivered 200 newspapers in the charger for six months, twice a day, and paid for gas out of my own earnings. We do provide her sister with a gas card while in college, but that was primarily due to the scholarships she got for college that reduced our financial outlay. I'd do the same to the youngest when she's in college, but it won't be till the 2nd year of college.  She makes alot more than i ever did in the old days, gas is a bit more expensive now though. Its about equal to what it was in the old days overall.  Anyway, she'll have to prioritize her need to drive places because it will come out of her paychecks, she's used to giving friends rides everywhere.  Found out she'd used her mom's credit card to fill the tank twice, I had told the wife that was likely to happen but the wife defended her saying she always asks before using it previously.  She found out I was right again, which didn't look good for the daughter again.  

Trust me, I'd love to get a set of luggage and hand it over for her birthday, she doesn't seem to realize you can't really move out anywhere without a car and gas.  At least when i was 17 I owned my own car so could have moved out if i wanted to, and worked two jobs to support my gas habit.  

Got the GPS unit in the mail today, have to go get a sim card to make it work properly, could be a fun toy to keep track of her movements, but she shouldn't be moving much in the near future.  Only between home and work, or to the doctors office because i don't want to be her taxi everywhere.  My car gets worse gas mileage than her miata does.  

[ws23rt]

It's been said by several here that the time to close some doors is here. You can keep dealing with little issues as they come up but that only pushes the issue forward.

A good friend addressed a situation like this with his son.  He rented an apartment and paid a few months.  Than took his son on a trip to look at what's out there.  When they got to this place he said son this is where you live now.

Alligators have a way of doing the same thing. When the young start moving to find their way if they are not fast enough they will get eaten. That's tough love.

It is true that what your daughter is doing to you and your wife is worse than you two pushing her out of the nest.

Forget collage for now that can come when she is ready.

[polywideblock]

 
            time for her to stand on her own two feet , make it clear that she's welcome to come back home but only on YOUR terms .  I left home at 17 never looked back,  didn't do me any harm finding out that its a big bad world out there   

[F8-4life]

Don't be too hard she is still very young, and sounds lost. Also Don't compare her to yourself at the same age.
Maybe next time she does something that really pissed you off, be nice about it & throw her off the routine.
She needs guidance and will only allow it if respect is involved.

[RallyeMike]

Whether you reach out to her or crack the whip even harder - who knows what will work, but one thing I am sure of is: Tracking her by GPS so that you can have your "gotcha" moment is going to be like pouring gasoline on the fire. Good relationships whether at a mutual level or superior-inferior start with trust, even if at first it is just one party.

[Lord Warlock]

Good relationships start with trust, i'll agree with that, but after the trust is broken, and we offer a chance at redemption and trust is broken over and over again, eventually you have to cut losses and move on.  Tracking by GPS isn't a situation to have a "gotcha" moment, we have plenty of those already.  This makes three interactions with cops that never needed to happen. and wouldn't happen if she followed simple rules.  Eventually if it continues in this direction, she'll get herself into something she can't get out of.  And I won't get her out of trouble when she's away at college, she'll have to handle it herself.

Tracking with gps is a means to ensure she keeps to our boundaries, our county is a pretty large one in Florida, my city is the largest geographical city in square miles in the US, she has free reign as we know where she's going, who's she's with, and that she gets in by curfew.  It also will show us if she is where she says she'll be.  She's already been caught drinking and doing drugs in the past, I don't want her doing so in my automobile, or my house. I would feel somewhat different if she had worked for what she wanted, saved for it, then when she got it, to take care of it.  I've found that if i worked for something i appreciated it more, she is just now starting to work and earn enough to buy a few of her wants.  She is today where i was when i was 13, but she is 17 and a mere 6 months from leaving the nest.  She needs to mature quickly, and she's squandered too much of her available time already.

[RallyeMike]

Well, wishing you good luck, and hoping for the best.

Might start planning ahead at this point: What cool Charger stuff could you spend her last 3 years of college money on  

[Lord Warlock]

I could afford a KB blower with what i'd spend on college (just room and board) for two semesters.  For 4 years, i could yank the motor out, and install a 500+ cube Hemi motor.  We prepaid both our kids college 10 years ago, thought room and board wouldn't be that expensive...wrong, its more expensive than tuition is.  Even at the big name state schools like U of F or FSU.

Talked to the school today, can't drop the class she's flunking, it will go on her college transcripts because its a college level course, also while i can have the counselor add courses so she attends full days for the second half of her senior year, it would be mostly Phys Ed courses and she couldn't choose it would be whatever they could toss her into.  Not sure i want to go that far off the deep end here, I'm angry, but not stupid, if i forced her into that, she'd be in 6 courses she had no interest in, and would likely hurt her chances in college entrance even more than it is now.  I am a bit pissed i didn't take a harder stand last year when the wife got talked into dual enrollment and letting her take shortened school days her senior year.  If she completes the term with a failing grade in these two courses, it will essentially mean she isn't qualified for any scholarship help, and could cause the school to rescind their offer of acceptance.  I know I would if i was the school.  It just tells me a year before she starts that she's not ready for college yet, and probably won't make it through 4 years anyway. 

If i don't let her drive to school, she makes me go pick her up after school lets out, which tomorrow is 9:30am, and normally is between 10:30 and 12:20 (stupid early release days are retarded if you ask me, teachers don't need that many half days off) On early release, she's only there 2 hours. If i don't force her to take a full schedule, I have to let her drive to school...which i am totally against at this point, but also don't want to be her chauffer either.  (or personal bus driver) School won't let her sit in the library for a couple hours each day.