Is there a criminal stigma attached to being a man?

[bull]

Specifically I'm talking about crimes against kids. Ever feel like you're being watched like a hawk at the park by suspicious moms? Ever feel like you have no desire to help out with kids groups because some kid might make a bogus accusation?

Think about it, one kid gets a grudge against because you told him he couldn't do something stupid in basketball practice and the next thing you know you're in the crosshairs. Any man is one formal complaint away from having his life ruined, innocent or not. I don't think it's worth it to be around any kids that aren't your own anymore unless you really, really trust the parents. It's sad but I think it's true.

[Khyron]

yep, The world is a bit nuts.

Teachers sleeping with their students
Priest molesting Kids
Kid napping
Low moral values
Frivolous lawsuits
People on edge
Kids out of control
dogs and cats, living together
Mass Hysteria!

Seriously though, My wifes a teacher, and you're right, one kid gets a grudge, done deal, lifes over. So she plays is smart. never, ever be a lone with a kid thats not your own

Rome anyone?

[Johnny SixPack]

Rome indeed.

Reality shows play into that idea IMO.

How soon till the next step is taken?

When does construction of the Coliseum begin?

But regarding your post, Bull, I agree. 

Also, being a Caucasian heterosexual male is getting to be tougher and tougher.

Throw in being single (for those that are), and you're the world's @$$#ole and pretty much to blame for the majority of its ills in the media's (and quite often the public's) eye it seems.

[Mefirst]

Not only that you may get the pedophile brand just cause your a male, you also get the brand of a potential rapist..

[hemihead]

Don't be left alone with ANY female unless she is your wife either, and maybe not even safe with her.The will railroad you too.

[The Ghoul]

"look to the man to the left of you, now to the right, both of them will probably rape you" -Family guy
(eppasode when brian goes back to college)
It grinds me that when ever I have to sit thru a 'rape awareness' semanar it is almost never brought up that men get raped to, and not just by other men. If a man gets raped by a woman we usualy call it a good nite 
I think the big thing is men rarly ever report it because it dosent feel like a violation.
In college I was at a friends party, got trashed, got dumped off in my doorm by a sober friend. One of the girls in the hall that I talked to regularly dropped by and took advantage of my stooper. I told her no a fiew times and eventually gave in. I regretted it the next day imediatly because I am very happily enguaged and never wanted to do any thing to jepordize it. I never reported it to the cops and because of the whole male pride motcho prosona thing never brought it up in any way other than a casual hook up when talking to friends. So looking back on it yes it was rape according to how the law is stated.
Yes I have some long term damage mainly because there are very fiew people I have talked to about it most of which are strangers that dont know me too well, or one friend that I can tell any thing to. 
so yeah I get sick of always being the defult target for any rape talk.
I like to work with kids and would like to share the automotive intrest with them but you are right, the storys appon storys on the news and all the movies and tv that people watch has gotten them to assume every one has an alterrior motive. I find the safest way to share intrests with younger gennerations now-a-days is to volenteer at the boys and girls club, or with groups like big brothers big sisters.
I try to help out the local boys and girls club as much as possible.



and all of you just thought I was another young dumb punk kid!



Well I am!!!!

I didnt mention on thing about the whole college thing and this does relate.
The reason that girl came to my room is because she (along with most of the girls on the floor  ) knew that I would never do any thing to hurt them. I was the 'bigger brother' on the floor. mainly because I was 22 living in the doorms and never bought into the frat mantaility. So in my case because of the elevated rape awareness all the girls came to spend time with me when there girlfriends wouldnt understand the problem and they didnt want to risk the whole guy girl alone thing.
Amazing what draging home some totaly plastered girl from a big house party that you dont know will do for your rep in the beginning of the school year 
nice guys may finish last but we sure do have alot of friends when we get there.

[dkn1997]

so you got loaded and hooked up with some girl you would not normally have slept with?

That ain't rape, that's regret.  If every man or woman who got lit up and did the deed and regretted it the next day called it rape, society as we know it would come screeching to a halt.

There's no way a guy gets raped unless he's "catching" if you know what I mean.  The plumbing don't function unless you are into it.

Women, on the other hand, I'm not even gonna go there, way too much "grey area" there.

[The Ghoul]

That ain't rape, that's regret.  If every man or woman who got lit up and did the deed and regretted it the next day called it rape, society as we know it would come screeching to a halt.

no, thats just it.
I said no
It dosent matter that I eventually gave in.
Thats how messed up the system is.
If you and a girl are hitting it off you say 'hey wanna bone?'
she sez 'no'
later on shes all over you, you end up hooking up
the next day she regrets it, or is pissed off that you booted her out the door the next morning (later more probable)
she has a case for rape.
There has to be a direct yes to a direct question in order for it to be consent.
the grey area is when she dosent say any thing some say thats still rape, others say there was no question and no 'no'.
EX. guy comes home gets into bead with the wife, intercorse happens, no words were exchanged and she didnt feel like it that nite.
Ive had to sit and listen to this BS of an explanation many times before thru many classes on many levels.
only about 25% of rape is of a violant nature (what many preceve rape as)
pluss statory rap is inclued in all rape figures you hear.... this includes a 17 year old having sex with an 18 year old. yes legual age of consent is 16 but under 18 and your a minor there fore sex with any one over 18 is statitory...
trus me man, I have had to Listen to all this crap over and over again (beginning of each samester at the university level, every year at the community college level, and once every year in highschool).

the whole resion I mentioned any of this is to point out alot of guys would have cases for rape but they just dont care. Yes on my part theres huge regret and now I have something I have to keep from the girl I love but its nothing that I would want to ruen the other girls life over.

[The Ghoul]

geeze I just realized... even Im doing it.
using the man raping the woman examples 

[Telvis]

Last year my 10 year old son and I went to the Mopar Nationals. We got to the Hotel a little early. We got in the room and I decide to change my clothes before we go out to the track. My son is streched out on the bed waiting for me to change. All of a sudden the hotel door opens and I am standing face to face with a maid. I'm in my underwear and there's a 10 year old boy on the bed. I figured it was only a matter of time before the Police arrived. Luckily they never did. Talk about embarassing. Every time we went through the lobby I felt like I was being watched.

[The Ghoul]

Last year my 10 year old son and I went to the Mopar Nationals. We got to the Hotel a little early. We got in the room and I decide to change my clothes before we go out to the track. My son is streched out on the bed waiting for me to change. All of a sudden the hotel door opens and I am standing face to face with a maid. I'm in my underwear and there's a 10 year old boy on the bed. I figured it was only a matter of time before the Police arrived. Luckily they never did. Talk about embarassing. Every time we went through the lobby I felt like I was being watched.

Imagine how bad that maid flet. Not knowing if she should say something about it and turn you in or not!!
I would like to think that 30 years ago you would most likley run into the same issue

[73dodge]

Ghoul the problem is 2 fold

1 Feminists, radical feminazis are running schools and the core group of them spout that if you are male you are a rapist, and thier other argument is that even sex between husband and wife is forced rape. Their solution is lesbianism.

2. Men are dogs and will screw at the drop of a hat, with anything and everything, all it takes is a few brews and your sleeping with bertha.

The women in group 1 have been either taken advantage of at an early age and have grown to hate and distrust men, or they secretly wish they had been in group 2 but are to UGLY to get a date only one who will pay attention to them are other ugly women. 

[dkn1997]

It dosent matter that I eventually gave in.

umm...yes, it does.  That just shows that on some level, you wanted it.  If you did not really want it, you could have just gotten up, and pushed her out the door.  Assuming you are stronger than her, which you probably are.   Most women don't have that option when the roles are reversed.



Don't be ashamed, we have all done it at one time or another.  You just gotta get up the next day, take the "walk of shame" and get on with your life.  Plenty of women out there have given up the poo poo to a guy when they were wasted too. 

[Khyron]

Men are not dogs.

If a Male Dog is on one side of the street, and a female dog is on the other, the Male will sniff the air, run over, and go to town.

If I smelled a female from the other side of the street. I would RUN in the other direction!  

[hemihead]

so you got loaded and hooked up with some girl you would not normally have slept with?

That ain't rape, that's regret.  If every man or woman who got lit up and did the deed and regretted it the next day called it rape, society as we know it would come screeching to a halt.

There's no way a guy gets raped unless he's "catching" if you know what I mean.  The plumbing don't function unless you are into it.

Women, on the other hand, I'm not even gonna go there, way too much "grey area" there.

Rape is about power of one over another.It's not about sex.Men and women in rape cases feel guilty because their body responds naturally to stimulation.If "No" is said and the other party continues, by law it is rape.The physical reponse of the victim should have no bearing.

[dkn1997]

the law may be the law and that's great, but when one party has the ability to physically prevent the situation, in my book, he could have avoided it if he truly wanted to.

But none of that really matters when the roles are reversed.  With women, it's different to me.  If a woman even remotely hints at "no" then I would take off faster than you can say "zip up"

I know rape is not about sex, it is about power.  If you can avoid it in any way, you have the power.  I still maintain he had the power to avoid that "rape"

I am biased because I never buy into this "he/she made me do it" mentality unless one of the people is bigger and stronger or has a weapon.  I know it's not politicaly correct to say.  It also puts you in situations where you could suffer the bad  consequences of sticking to your guns, like if your boss tries "coercing" you to do something that just is not right (sex or anything else that's against the law or just not right)  but so be it. 

again, I am not going to attempt to argue it logically because since I am always right about everything and logic often does not apply to me

GETTING BACK TO BULLS ORIGINAL POST, yes, he is absolutely right, people look at any man funny when it comes to kids.  I never even speak to children in public unless I have one of my kids with me.  It's sad.

[Ponch ®]

Think of it this way:

A 40 year old male teacher sleeps with a 14 year old girl, and he's going to jail for at least 15 years, with no fanfare.

A 40 year old female teacher sleeps with a 14 year old boy, she gets 2-3 years in jail, gets to go on Oprah, and gets a book and "Moment of Truth" movie made about her.

[dodgecharger-fan]

so you got loaded and hooked up with some girl you would not normally have slept with?

That ain't rape, that's regret.  If every man or woman who got lit up and did the deed and regretted it the next day called it rape, society as we know it would come screeching to a halt.

There's no way a guy gets raped unless he's "catching" if you know what I mean.  The plumbing don't function unless you are into it.

Women, on the other hand, I'm not even gonna go there, way too much "grey area" there.

Rape is about power of one over another.It's not about sex.Men and women in rape cases feel guilty because their body responds naturally to stimulation.If "No" is said and the other party continues, by law it is rape.The physical reponse of the victim should have no bearing.

Bingo! Physical strength is not the only means to attaining what you want from an unwilling person. Psycological, emotional, etc....

Perfect example: A girl corners you and says, "Do me or I'll scream rape!"
She doesn't even have lift a finger and she's got you under complete control. And I'm thinking you better do a damn good job or she'll yell rape when she figures she didn't get what she wanted out of you...

Another: You're a prominent figure in your "realm of influence" - jock, big man on campus, whatever... You've got a rep to uphold and she knows it means somethng to you.
(yes, that's vanity, but it's a reality for some men..)
She says, "Do me, or I'll tell everyone you could'nt get it up and you cried."

Again, no physical effort on her part to get you to comply.

It's rape.


As for the original topic of the post. yeah, I feel uncomfortable all the time.
I see a little toddler do a face plant in the mall/park/wherever. I'll stop and try to console him/her but from about 5 feet away. The first thing I ask is where is your Mommy and look around for them rather than pay too much attention to the child..
Same deal with a lost child. Talk from a bit of a distance. If I need to get more involved, I call other people over. If I'm going to take the child to an authority of some sort, I point to where I'm going and I make the kid come to me instead of taking the kid's hand.
Hell, there are times when I feel uncomfortable walking around with my own daughter - especially if her friends are with us.. "Late thirties white male running around with tall, leggy minor girls..."

It really makes me sick to have to think like that, but I am truly afraid. Mainly, because in today's world, I don't have to do anything wrong. They just have to say that I did and I'm screwed.

[dkn1997]

 I think anyone should have the courage and conviction to do what they think is right, no matter what anyone else threatens to do (obviousely if it's a threat of violence against you, your family, or some other person, that's different)

some woman threatens to tell everyone you are a lousy lay, so what?  If you are, you are.  If you aren't, the ones you did have sex with will know it and who cares what anyone thinks?

[The Ghoul]

the law may be the law and that's great, but when one party has the ability to physically prevent the situation, in my book, he could have avoided it if he truly wanted to.

But none of that really matters when the roles are reversed.  With women, it's different to me.  If a woman even remotely hints at "no" then I would take off faster than you can say "zip up"

I know rape is not about sex, it is about power.  If you can avoid it in any way, you have the power.  I still maintain he had the power to avoid that "rape"

I am biased because I never buy into this "he/she made me do it" mentality unless one of the people is bigger and stronger or has a weapon.  I know it's not politicaly correct to say.  It also puts you in situations where you could suffer the bad  consequences of sticking to your guns, like if your boss tries "coercing" you to do something that just is not right (sex or anything else that's against the law or just not right)  but so be it. 

again, I am not going to attempt to argue it logically because since I am always right about everything and logic often does not apply to me

GETTING BACK TO BULLS ORIGINAL POST, yes, he is absolutely right, people look at any man funny when it comes to kids.  I never even speak to children in public unless I have one of my kids with me.  It's sad.

I think you may be getting  me wrong here.
i was mearly pointing out that by a legual stand point that whole situation was techicaly rape.
from a personal stand point yes in my incredibly drunken stooper I could have prevented it. No I dont think I would have hit her but if I would have handeled her a little too rough she would certently have called the cops and made up what ever story she wanted at the moment as to why I pushed her (or what ever) in an intimate setting and I would be obviously blasted out of my mind... If you were the cop how would that look to you?
there is no dispute there.
I two if given the options to define rape would make it alot less wishy washey. but the laws are what they are.
My whole point Is if the roles were reversed and the agresser was male the femail would have a cut and dry rape case.
But because the agresser was femail nothing came of it because the male (me) wasent hurt enough emotionaly / mentaly to drag all of it all out.
All that I was trying to point out in the whole thing is alot of femail on male rape is never reported because it is not a big deal, you said it your self "That ain't rape, that's regret." so because of that and the above mentioned statitory figgures (cus lots of girls like older guys) the numbers are bias so the female raping a male is considered so rare its just assumed in a rape case the male is the agressor....
Im sorry I dont know how to explain my self more clearly than this.
just trying to clarify not trying to attack

[The Ghoul]

I think anyone should have the courage and conviction to do what they think is right, no matter what anyone else threatens to do (obviousely if it's a threat of violence against you, your family, or some other person, that's different)

some woman threatens to tell everyone you are a lousy lay, so what?  If you are, you are.  If you aren't, the ones you did have sex with will know it and who cares what anyone thinks?

sorry this just reminded me of something funny
dough stanhomps standup
"It dosent matter how small I am or how bad I am with it, by the time you find out its too late, Im already done......
As far as her telling her friends about how bad or small you are think about this. How much tail do you get on referal?"

[Dennis K]

Yes, caucasian heterosexual Christian males are the root of all the evil in the world today.  If a drunk couple has a fling, and in the morning the girl has regrets, the guy can be convicted of rape, because it's a man's responsibility to know that no always means no, and yes sometimes means no too. As far as  crimes against children go, more children in the history of the human race have been murdered by their own mothers than anyone else. I wish I could remember where I read that so I could state the source, but I don't doubt it one bit.   A few years ago I had to drive to the school to pick up my kids because there was a thunderstorm approaching and I didn't want them walking home in the rain. It had already started raining when I found them walking along with a few other kids from my neighborhood. I thought about offering the other kids a ride home, too, but decided against it, because if the wrong person saw me pull up to some kids and asked them to get in my car, I would probably still be behind bars. Pretty sad when a guy can't even be a nice guy anymore without the fear of the PC gestapo watching every move we make.

[The Ghoul]

so whats the solution here?
well for me its no more getting that drunk in the doorms.
but serriously...
Do we just be good guys, take the risk and do it as smart as possible? EX. the car and the rain issue once you dropp off the kids at the house talk to the parents and explain that you picked them up and drove them home. eather in person or on the phone?
Or do we just let it happen. let things get more isolated and outta wack because of the fear?
sad that we have to make this sort of call.

[dodgecharger-fan]

I think anyone should have the courage and conviction to do what they think is right, no matter what anyone else threatens to do (obviousely if it's a threat of violence against you, your family, or some other person, that's different)

some woman threatens to tell everyone you are a lousy lay, so what?  If you are, you are.  If you aren't, the ones you did have sex with will know it and who cares what anyone thinks?

sorry this just reminded me of something funny
dough stanhomps standup
"It dosent matter how small I am or how bad I am with it, by the time you find out its too late, Im already done......
As far as her telling her friends about how bad or small you are think about this. How much tail do you get on referal?"

Yep, for most men (me included) this is a non-issue, but there are guys out there that live and die based on their reputation - sexual or otherwise.
It doesn't matter what you are shooting them down about - sex, money, stength, drinking, whatever, in their sad little mind, they can't have their rep tarnished...
THAT's what I was getting at.

[Todd Wilson]

That ain't rape, that's regret.  If every man or woman who got lit up and did the deed and regretted it the next day called it rape, society as we know it would come screeching to a halt.

no, thats just it.
I said no
It dosent matter that I eventually gave in.
Thats how messed up the system is.
If you and a girl are hitting it off you say 'hey wanna bone?'
she sez 'no'
later on shes all over you, you end up hooking up
the next day she regrets it, or is pissed off that you booted her out the door the next morning (later more probable)
she has a case for rape.
There has to be a direct yes to a direct question in order for it to be consent.

Thats why you film it on hidden camera's!!!!!!!     


Todd