Help with raising kid(s)

[PocketThunder]

My spouse had one sister, and they were little angels growing up for the most part.  I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters (from 2 familys-the standard 1980's divorced parents) and our house growing up was a disaster zone....  So, now that we have a 14 month old boy, he runs around the house screaming, tackling the cats, pulling lamps off the end tables, basically touching everything in site.. Just like kids do... my Spouse is going nuts sometimes and i try to explain to her that boys are rough and stuff is going to get broke.. 

So i'm looking for any suggestions, storys, or words of encouragement that i can help her with to understand that.

[Orange_Crush]

A comedian named "Killer Beaz" once said:

"If  you're planning on having kids, build yourself a concrete house with a drain in the middle...then take anything you have of any value and smash it...this includes your hopes and dreams."

I have a four year old daughter and she's no better than the boy you describe.

[Blown70]

Well that was not allowed in my house.  May I suggest a meeting of your hand to his ass.  Sorry, you tolerate it now it will only get worse.

I do not want to hear the ohh I could never do that, that is abuse,   ..... Bullshit.......

If that hand does not work may I suggest a leather belt.....You do not need to beat the kid black and blue just let him know who is in charge.  He is the child you are the parent. 

Now some chlidren have a greater fear of timeout, some think its a freaking game,  if he thinks its a game it is not the right approach for your son.

Sorry,  That is the way I feel, and you asked.


Tom

[Neal_J]

Been there, done that.

Sounds to me like the root of your dilemma is that you and the wife don't share a consistent approach.  When that occurs, kids will play you against each other every time.  You and she need to agree on what's acceptable in your home and then teach those limits to the kid.  That won't be easy given the difference in your backgrounds.   

Once you agree on the limits, you need to teach them to the kids with consistency.  Unfortunately, you have to tell them at least 644 times before the message begins to sink in.  When they don't comply, that should trigger appropriate consequences (which could be a verbal correction, time out, going to their room alone, losing a toy, or dessert or some other privilege; somtimes, in more extreme situations, it's a spanking).

Good luck,

Neal J.
Father of 5

[PocketThunder]

Well that was not allowed in my house.  May I suggest a meeting of your hand to his ass.  Sorry, you tolerate it now it will only get worse.
Tom

Oh i'm not afraid of that.  I grew up on the wrong end of a leather belt.... if thats possible..

Been there, done that.

Sounds to me like the root of your dilemma is that you and the wife don't share a consistent approach.  When that occurs, kids will play you against each other every time.  You and she need to agree on what's acceptable in your home and then teach those limits to the kid.  That won't be easy given the difference in your backgrounds.   Once you agree on the limits, you need to teach them to the kids with consistently.  Unfortunately, you have to tell them at least 644 times before the message begins to sink in.  When they don't comply, that should trigger appropriate consequences (which could be a time out, going to their room alone, losing a toy, or dessert or some other privilege; somtimes, in more extreme situations, it's a spanking). 

Good luck,

Neal J.
Father of 5

Yes, i never thought of having to do that this early in the game.  but i suppose its time to get going on it.

[moparguy01]

Well that was not allowed in my house.  May I suggest a meeting of your hand to his ass.  Sorry, you tolerate it now it will only get worse.

I do not want to hear the ohh I could never do that, that is abuse,   ..... Bullshit.......

If that hand does not work may I suggest a leather belt.....You do not need to beat the kid black and blue just let him know who is in charge.  He is the child you are the parent. 

Now some chlidren have a greater fear of timeout, some think its a freaking game,  if he thinks its a game it is not the right approach for your son.

Sorry,  That is the way I feel, and you asked.


Tom

seems us northerners all seem to think alike. in commiefornia youd get tossed in the clink for swatting your kid, even when they deserved it. sad state of affairs.

I agree though, you need to show him who is boss.

[Johnny SixPack]

Yeah, my dad was a firm believer in the 3 strike rule.

One was being told what to do.

Two was being told to listen with a raised voice.

Three was when he got quiet and told me to go wait in my room.

My mom didn't follow the same steps, but I was actually more afraid of her, 'cause when it came to spankings, she was much more pissed.

Dad was easy to read when it came to that sort of stuff, but mom hid it really well and gave you a false sense of security.

Plus the worst spankings I ever got came from my mom.

I agree with Neil though that you've got to present a united front though.

Only a couple times was I able to get away with playing one parent over the other (usually getting my mom to acquiesce), and those were when I got it the worst.

Kinda why I stopped trying.  

[Neal_J]

Guys, hitting or using a leather belt on a 14 month old baby should warrant a call to CPS, California or otherwise. 

You did read the kid's age in PT's post, right??

NJ

[Blown70]

I daresay hitting or using a belt on a 14 month old baby (you did read the kid's age, right?) should warrant a call to CPS, California or otherwise.

NJ

Well a swat on the hand when he pull a lamp down with a good NO will work just fine.  I did not say smack the shit out of the kid.  However he certainly sounds like he is not aware of the rules and is time to train him.

Tom

[Charger_Fan]

Just bungee cord him to that planter hook in the ceiling.

[PocketThunder]

whao!  i was merely looking for ways and/or stories about how to talk to my spouse about a kids natural behaviour to be roudy.  By no means will i be smacking my 14 month old with anything besides a strong voice, which is working just fine right now.

[moparguy01]

i thought it said 14 year old, not month old. oops.

[dkn1997]

kids that age are basically like animals.  They understand the carrot and the stick.  it's just a matter of what your "stick" is going to be.  I have a 5 year old girl and a 2 year old boy.  here is my progression of discipline:

1.  ask nicely the first time
2.  ask nicely once more
3.  start the countdown
      1....2....3
4.  at this point, if you don't observe the behavior you want, go over and physically make it happen, but don't say a word.  NOT HITTING, JUST PHYSICAL.

example:  diaper changes (thunder, your'e kid is at just about the age where they start fighting it)  if I got to three, I would get up and pick the kid up and plant them on whatever diaper changing area you have and just do it, holding them down if you have to.  The pick and put down was always a little firmer than normal roughhousing and play.  The result is that with her, I never get past 1.5 in the countdown anymore because she learned early that if she did not do what we wanted, she would get made to do it.

I think yelling and hitting take away from that lesson and the kid just looks for ways to avoid the harsh words or the beating.  If you do it calm, it reinforces the point that when you say it, they have no choice but to do it.

NEVER YELL. NEVER YELL. NEVER YELL.  SAVE THAT FOR LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS LIKE RUNNING INTO THE STREET OR REAL BAD DECISIONS LIKE MOUTHING OFF TO A TEACHER.  And try not to go too far the other way explaining every decision to them.  Tell'em a littel something, but leave it at that.  A little mystery creates just a little fear.  I almost never got touched growing up, but in the back of my mind, I always thought that if I f'd up bad enough, the beatings would flow like a river.  That little bit of fear kept me in line.

At every school function, I see kids who obviousely get yelled at all the time.  How do I know which kids those are?  they are the ones who are getting ass reamed and don't look scared shitless.

AND THE IDEA HAS BEEN PUT FORTH HERE PREVIOUSELY.   ***IT'S NEVER EVER TOO EARLY TO START DISCIPLINING YOUR KIDS****

[bad1032]

The main thing is to correct them at they young age, teach them from the get go about respect and right and wrong. be involved in their life. get to know them as the grow older, you would be suprised at the amount of kids i deal with, good and bad that their parents could care less about. Talk to them not at them. 

[hemihead]

My son is 16 now and he has never been any trouble at all.I didn't ( and still don't) yell when he does something. I raise my voice and use a stern tone.I have done that enough since he was young that I have put the fear of god in him lol.We have mutual respect.I ask nicely first, then I tell him.We have never got to the point when I am very displeased. 

[THE COLONEL]

I tell mine to settle only two times before I raise my voice.  My kids are more afraid of my voice when I yell, then they are a hand.  Most of the time it works.  I get more tears that way, then with hand to the butt. 

[Johnny SixPack]

Guys, hitting or using a leather belt on a 14 month old baby should warrant a call to CPS, California or otherwise. 

You did read the kid's age in PT's post, right??

NJ

Hey, if the doc is spankin' you at 14 secs, it's all good.

Seriously though, at 14 months, I don't even remember anything but the parties and the women. 

I don't know what I was doing during all of that though.

Sleeping, playing with Weeble-Wobbles, or something like that. 

[Old Moparz]

There is no answer, people have been reproducing since caveman days, & we still breed freaks, losers, wackoloons & the brain dead. 

[Johnny SixPack]

There is no answer, people have been reproducing since caveman days, & we still breed freaks, losers, wackoloons & the brain dead. 

Speaking of which, where's Silver been?

[Old Moparz]

There is no answer, people have been reproducing since caveman days, & we still breed freaks, losers, wackoloons & the brain dead. 

Speaking of which, where's Silver been?

I think Andy killed him, he's been in a good mood lately.

[General_01]

PT, I grew up like you did. Pretty much chaos all the time. My friends all liked hanging out at my house, so there was always kids in and out the door at our house. Things are going to happen. All you can do is to try and teach him as you see it. Katy is going to have to learn to accept a little chaos right now. If he was 5 years old and breaking things that would be different. Right now he is exploring anything and everything. And when he is told something he probably remembers it for about 10 seconds. Our girls were the same way. We had a few broken items but nothing that couldn't be replaced.

Tell Katy that as long as you hear something in the other room, all is OK. If you don't hear anything for a couple of minutes, you better go check because that is when they are up to something. Also, things will get better in the Spring when you can take him outside to play. Winters are always worse because the kids are full of energy and run around the house.

[Daytona R/T SE]

Just bungee cord him to that planter hook in the ceiling.

[Chryco Psycho]

you could do what I did & just skip having kads altogether ... oh wait too late I guess

[Silver R/T]

well it also depends on genes. I was pretty calm baby or so they say. Im still pretty laid back calm person, most of the time

[RD]

funny thing about advice... it seem's everyone has some.  so here's mine lol.

better start nipping that behavior in the bud now by whatever means that works for you, you are comfortable with, and corresponds or compromises with your wife's views

OR

I will see you on one of the nanny shows in 3 years.

[nh_mopar_fan]

It doesn't get any easier.

How's that for words of encouragement.

[my73charger]

Man my dad had a way of unbuckling his belt and yanking it off his waist that would snap a fly out of mid air....It was always time to walk away clean when that happen...

[bull]

At 14 months I'd say it's a little too early to expect a whole lot of obedience. But they still need to lay some ground rules and stick to them. Meanwhile, pack up all the breakables and store them iin the attic for 10 years or so.

[Johnny SixPack]

At 14 months I'd say it's a little too early to expect a whole lot of obedience. But they still need to lay some ground rules and stick to them. Meanwhile, pack up all the breakables and store them iin the attic for 20 years or so.

Even the best kids can end up with sh**ty friends. 

One of my friends back in junior high got into stealing, and not only did take my stuff, he even stole from my parents. 

My parents would have gone to his mom about it, but she had a nice little coke habit she was hard at work on. 

[69_500]

Hey Pocket, I had the same things at time with my son. He just turned 2 in October. Yeah boys will be boys. He would listen if I raised my voice to him when he was around 14 months. However after a few more months the raised voice or stern "NO" did nothing to him. With him a threat of a spanking is enough to deter him 95% of the time. Its funny because I can only recall spanking him 3 or 4 times ever. But he doesn't forget what it was like. Now if he does something that we don't know about he will come tell us, and then he always asks if he is going to get a spanking?
Kids will be kids, I can't stand it though when you go out shopping and see kids just telling their parents NO, or yelling at their parents. What we lack in this country is respect. Respect is earned not a given. If you don't earn your childs respect, and they respect your authority then to me you've lost.

[Drop Top]

I rasied 4, 2 boys and 2 grils. All 4 were a year apart. 2 where mine and 2 where my wife's. Mine where the oldest and the youngest. Basicly we had to treat them all differant. But by the same rules. My oldest daughter and her oldest son was the most head strong. We did everything to warning first, then time out. With these two what worked the best was the hand to butt then method, fallowed to the room for awile. With her youngest all we had to do was tell her no or give her that look when she new she was worng and she would start to cry. We never had to lay a hand on her at all. My son witch was the youngest was right inbetween. I did use my hand on him once in awile but not as much as the older two, he still is the one that asks for my opion on life and sutch. The oldest son was probly the worst. But only because the Grandparents got in the way. Grandpas gone now, But, now the Grandma tells me they did wrong by steping in. Thanks grandparents for all your help! He was the slowest one to grow up. Now that he's almost 28. He has a decent job and girlfriend. He just might make it yet. I hope. At least he stayed out off jail.

[HAZZARDJOHN]

Even the best kids can end up with sh**ty friends. 

One of my friends back in junior high got into stealing, and not only did take my stuff, he even stole from my parents. 

My parents would have gone to his mom about it, but she had a nice little coke habit she was hard at work on. 

I Can relate to that, All of my friends are recovering felons, I have had one speeding ticket in my life and they steal cars, get in fights and Steal from their friends, But man are they fun to hang around!

No seriously Pocket,

Most people's advice is great, and me not being a father, I guess all I will say is good luck and When me and My wife decide it's time, I'll be asking advice from what you've learned!

Good Luck!

~HJ

[ITSA426]

Thunder, the best thing seems to be consistency.  Once they know the rules, don't change them.  Discipline is teaching, not punishment.  

Kids always push the limits, but they want, and need, boundaries.  You're the parent not their pal.  They'll have enough friends as they grow up but only one set of parents.  

You might try lowering your voice to get his attention.  I've seen it work great on toddlers.  It saves a lot of wear and tear on you and your bride.  At 14 months, if he's mobile, you might try making a game out of picking up after himself and keeping things neat.  It seems like fun but starts to teach responsibility.  If he needs to explore take him someplace where it's safe to do that (playlands, etc.)

Parenting is not for lightweights.  Always let them know that saying "no" isn't saying "I don't love you."  Even when you're angry remind him that he's loved.

Try patience and prayer.

Hope it helps - Lee