Has anyone dealt with a bully for a coach for their kid?

[General_01]

"Another  Twocents ....We played boom ball when the kids were 11.   nana"   

Exactly! These girls are U17.

"I also wonder whether the league have other coaches that would let your daughter join their team at this stage or next year"

Too late to switch teams if possible and she has already said she doesn't want to play after she graduates next year.

[ACUDANUT]

Bad Coach's are everywhere.  Some are just idiots filling in, just to get another paycheck (H.S.) others, do it so their kid gets more play time. 

[General_01]

Yep. It happens. Thanks for everyone's input and support. We meet on Tuesday with the club. I will let you know how that turns out. Busy printing out emails and highlighting right now.

[Darkman]

I am a martial arts instructor (and have been for 15yrs). My kids (2 girls and a boy) wanted to do martial arts. They trained with me at home and in class, they were good, but they saw me as their Dad rather than their instructor. So I sent them to another school to avoid the "Dad" thing and so there was no favouritism with my kids. They came home the first night and weren't their usual happy little rascals. I asked them how it was and they all said OK and left it at that. This went on for a few weeks and they wouldn't show me what they were learning, so I went to their class one night to see what was going on. I came in after they started and sat at the back so the kids wouldn't see me. WELL WAS I STUNNED at how the instructor spoke to them. Told them they were hopeless, no talent and their "old man" was a pathetic little girl........sooooooo, I walked right up to him in the middle of his class and hit him so hard his ovaries hurt. I stood over him and said, "so this pathetic little girl just put you on your ass, what are you going to do?" As I stood over him I looked behind to where my kids were and they took down 5 of their black belts and my son was still holding onto one of them! I was so proud of them! As I left I said so who's the pathetic girl now. 2 weeks later 3 of the 5 black belts came over to my class and joined up! They had told me he was always like that but a lot worse with my kids.

[70moparman]

Bully huh?  Try this... run into him behind the local Sonic, and kick the living shit out of him, and tell him you dont want to have to do that again, so play nice...  Thats what I would do...   

[General_01]

Met with the Traveling Coordinator. She seemed genuinely concerned about the problem. We told her about some things that we have heard him say to his team and the negative atmosphere him and his daughter create as well as how he makes our daughter feel. She said she would now talk to him in the next few days about some things we brought up that concern her and we will go from there. So far sounds promising. At her game last he played her a fair amount for her skill level so that was good. Hopefully things will get better.

[bull]

There are several factors at play when it comes to a child involved with a parent who's a coach, teacher, boss, etc. Favoritism, nepotism, conflict of interest are all going to come in to play. The right thing to do, as mentioned by Darkman, would be for the coach and his/her kid to be separated to avoid the appearance of impropriety at least.

That said, I disagree with the notion that winning should not be one of the main reasons for playing. Kids don't learn what they need to learn about life when they're given participation trophies. Not everybody wins but everyone should be given a shot.

[Troy]

The main problem with separating the parent (coach) from their child is that the parent likely wouldn't volunteer to be a coach unless their kid was on the team (this obviously does not apply to paid coaches - but some do move up in the ranks as the kids get older). Also, logistics would be a giant pain since the kid would need to be at practice/games at the same time as the parent - but in different places!

Sadly, in this case, if the coach is reprimanded he's more likely to blame it on the kid/parent he was having trouble with instead of doing anything constructive. That's the world we live in today (same as a kid who isn't very good or doesn't try very hard or doesn't follow the rules but blames the coach for their lack of playing time).

Troy

[General_01]

I agree that winning needs to be a priority, but no playing time or very little so the team can win is ridiculous. The last two games he played her 15 minutes out of each 45 minute half. that is two to 1 in favor of some more skilled players and there are a few who play the whole game. that is what I consider fair. she gets to play in a game environment and work on her skills. just to be clear, she has made all practices, practiced hard and even injured and she was the only player he wouldn't put on the field for a fair amount of time.

[bull]

When I was in grade school we had little league baseball and everyone who tried out got to play, bat at least. We didn't have this t-ball nonsense where 80 people have to stand around watching some kid swing at and miss a stationary ball 15 times. If that was my kid doing that I'd say, 'you know what? Baseball is not your thing,' and I'd find them something they could excel at.

In high school we had junior varsity football (like everywhere else I assume) where everyone got to play and it was kind of a farm team for varsity. Myself and 3-4 other guys were playing varsity every week by the time we were sophomores, but then it was pretty slim pickins in my town of 1,100 people. Would I have made varsity in a city? Don't know, don't care. We barely had enough players for a 22-man scrimmage but now the town has shrunk to the point they play 8-man football today, so I bet everyone still gets to play. Everything is better in a small town.

[Troy]

It's still that way in most little league baseball/softball leagues (possibly in soccer as well). Every kid on the team has to appear in the game. Now, that doesn't mean they get to play any more than the last out! Once you get into high school I believe all those "mandatory" playing time rules go away. I guess they assume that, at that point, the teams are there to win and they will play the best players. That assumption *may* be wrong in some cases as the coach will do what he wants - not necessarily what is best for the team or players. Even the manager in the MLB All Star Game gets to hand pick players - and they often pick favorites over the best available.

Troy

[General_01]

Soccer clubs do not have a provision that all kids must play some. That is the coach's discretion. I would understand that more if the coach is a paid coach(high school, college, etc.). This is a volunteer parent that played as a kid, which was 20-25 years ago. I don't feel that he has the right or the proper knowledge to make decisions like that. That's why I wish there was a minimum playing time.

I am also a little touchy on this subject because when I was a kid in baseball league I had the same thing happen to me. The coach would play me the minimum 2 innings out of 6 and sit me down. We had 10 players. I would switch with the same kid. This happened for 3 games and I got in the car after that and told my parents I was done. My Dad went up to the coach and told him off. Starting with the next game, I played every game all game and other kids had to switch out. Guess what? My attitude changed, I got better( had a decent batting average and almost hit a home run off the best pitcher in our league) and actually had a good time.

Update- I think the coach was contacted by the club. The coach sends out emails after games critiquing the teams play. This time he touched on every point we made to the director. "it was fun seeing everyone having a good time and contributing.....Time to move into the second half and play hard, no fingerpointing, ...." etc. It was the first game this year our daughter came home and was excited and telling us all the things that happened during the game. Hopefully things keep keep headed in the right direction.

Thanks for all the input and support everyone.

[General_01]

Just to sum up. The rest of the season went downhill again. He even had a friend of his daughter put on the roster for a tournament in mid June and played her more than my daughter and another girl on the team. Friday was the last day of their last tournament. Thursday they had a game and after he played her very little I told him to his face he was just a piece of garbage. The next morning we had to split up and my wife went to her game and I went to the youngest. He did the same crap. I showed up at the next game and she played quite a bit. Not sure if it was a coincidence, but the season is over and we are done with him and the club.

I did email a letter to the entire board highlighting how he treated our daughter and called out the VP, who's daughter plays on the team so she saw every game.

Now I will sit back and hope karma has fun with him or fate puts us together alone.