Soooo...

[Ghoste]

I'll keep this all short since I tend to prefer leaving my personal life away from the site (which is why I rarely go to the Off Topic area).  Beginning about last November I was pushing to create a new role for myself at work and at that time, my efforts were not getting the desired results.  By the end of December another opportunity came up for me and although it wasn't my first choice it still involved greater responsibility and lead roles and both are things I prefer.  Fast forward to the end of February and a personnel change results in a chance to make my first proposition happen.  Now I have two huge professional challenges in front of me but I felt up to it and accepted the dual positions.
Then on March 1, my mortgage was finally discharged and that's good news right?  Right.  So I went home that night fully ready to celebrate only to be told by my wife that she no longer loves me and one of us needed to leave and she felt it should be me.  I was leaving the next day for work so this little shocker which I absolutely did not see coming and did not support left me reeling.  I was messed up bad and fell into a depression.  I was determined to fight her decision, I loved her, I love my children, so I stopped coming on the site, stopped drinking, got on anti-depressants, avoided extra curricular activity of all sort and concentrated on work and trying to save my marriage.
Speed up to today, and marriage cannot be saved.
And that's about it, I'm back and Im fine.
The End.

[Just 6T9 CHGR]

Wow Shawn, had no idea.  Glad to hear you are on the come back trail though.  We're here for ya bud! 

[Mopar Nut]

Sorry to hear that, but i'm glad to see you back and ok.

[68X426]

Sorry to hear my Canadian brother. As you said, moving forward is best. Hope the new chapter in your life is bigger and better.

[nvrbdn]

wow ghoste, just sucks. right when it looks like its all falling together, someone wants to disrupt the wagon. good to see that you tried with all your might to preserve it, and also see when its time to abandon the sinking ship. your kids are your life now, with your work. good luck with all that has been put on your plate. you are in my thoughts as you go forward.

[Ghoste]

Thanks, there are still some speedbumps ahead, the kids don't know yet and that will be a hard hard day for dad and the day I leave that house will be hard.  Obviously from that you can tell we are still under the same roof putting up a front for the girls.  We are doing that until they are finished school for the year.
But after that, I am going to have a fresh start and more importantly I have a job that I really really love and its just getting better right now so I will be able to throw myself into it.
I did the right thing, I honored my marriage vows and I made a serious effort to save it but its done and things will be good.
I will likely end up closer with my girls too based on what we are currently discussing as far as custody.  I am gone for work a lot so when I am away they will be with her and when I am home they are all mine.  I am home about 60% of the time, this should work out great.

[twodko]

Damn, I am so sorry to hear this. It's so cliche but when one door closes another opens. You are already being very strong and while untenable right now, you will love and be loved again

[Dino]

I'm so sorry to hear this buddy.  But you will be okay, you're a smart guy and you obviously know how to handle things. 

[stripedelete]

Ouch, that's a kick in the stomach.  Very sorry to hear.   Keep your head on and feel fortunate she told you now instead of waiting  5 or 10 years.
I have no doubt there are bigger and brighter days in your future.

[Cooter]

Ghoste, I was just thinking bout you the other night. You were a Worthy debater on the board. We didn't always see eye to eye on alotta things, but I certainly don't wish this on anybody. Hope you come out on the other side better than you went in buddy.

We's here for you Shawn.

[A383Wing]

sorry to hear....but ya still got us

Bryan

[tan top]

 oh Crikey , sorry to hear this Shawn ,
good to see you back !

[JB400]

Sad to hear the wife wants to call it quits.  At least you done your best for your family and were willing to make sacrifices.   At least it looks like your brighter days are ahead of you; maybe even in a 69

Best of wishes to you and your gals   I do hope they understand why you and the Mrs. aren't getting along.

[Ghoste]

I think they will be as shocked as I was to be honest.  We weren't fighting or anything like that and after 25 years you would think I could spot a change coming but I didn't and I'm certain they wont either.
I'll help them through it though.

[chargerboy69]

Shawn, Wow that stinks, sorry to hear that.  I have been through a couple myself, and though they are difficult you will make it through alright. I used them as a new start. . a new beginning. Best of luck. Tim

[Indygenerallee]

Shawn, Ive been in your shoes (as too many guy's have) It is definately hard and I have 2 Children that have went through it(they were little when it happened 1 and 3) but almost 10 years later it's always there, hopefully your ex will play nice, mine did up until I met my girlfriend (now my wife, Yeah what was I thinking glutton for punishment!) then she turned into a royal PITA!! I'll keep you in my prayers!! 

[TruckDriver]

Welcome back, and it is great your got your mind pointed in the right direction. 

[Ghoste]

I don't expect it will all be easy.

[Ram07]

Well, that sucks, feel for ya...been down that road as well  ...Was just told to leave one day! Very sorry.


Now go get what you're looking for, my ex got the house, everything in it, and I owed her 5k somehow!

[JB400]

I know the mentality is to get them for all they got, in a divorce (which it sounds like where you're at), just remember, you still have to put up with her after it's settled. You still have to see her when you pick up your kids and vice versa.  You also have to put up with her at graduations, weddings, and other major events in your kids' lives.

I do think you should get your fair share (especially the charger ) from the divorce, but I think you should do your best to keep things civil.  Right now, you're still the good guy, but daughters do tend to listen to mom's side of the story more than dads.

[A383Wing]

quick story here about this...my son and his wife had issues as well...she "turned gay" after they had their second child...drank a lot, and told my son she didn't wanna be a Mom anymore...

long story short...she got the house, he got full custody of his 2 boys...that's all he cared about...

Bryan

[Ram07]

My Kids had my back as well...especially my daughter...they knew what happened.....that was all that mattered as well!!

[Ghoste]

Obviously my main concern will always be the welfare of my children.

[JB400]

Doesn't sound bitter at all, but what I said was just food for thought. You deserve what you earned.  But like I said, even though she's gone, you still have to put up with her even in key events of your kids' lives.  It's easier to put out a match than it is a California wild fire.  Which would you rather fight?

[Ghoste]

I know its hard to understand without being where I am, but in this analogy I choose the wildfire.  If you had all of the facts available to you I bet you would do the same.

[JB400]

I respect your decision and I'll support it.  

[68X426]

I know its hard to understand without being where I am, but in this analogy I choose the wildfire.  If you had all of the facts available to you I bet you would do the same.

[1970Moparmann]

Sorry your going through this.  I have had a few friends in the same situation and can read between the lines on what happened.  The good news is it will get easier for you as time goes on.  And, it will be better for you soon enough.  I'm sure your on an emotional roller coaster right now, and rightfully so.  Do yourself a favor and go see a third party person to talk.   

[Ghoste]

Actually I have already done that.  And I highly recommend it for anyone in this position.

[Ram07]

Don't underestimate my relationship with my children my friend and know fully that yes, I am resolutely devoted to get every single red cent I am entitled to.  I invested 25 years of my life into this and at the point when the house is paid for and we are about to slide into the easy years she suddenly has a startling revelation that my presence interferes with moving her boyfriend into the house I paid for?  That doesn't fly.  Furthermore, she entered into this separation program fully believing and expecting that she was going to rape me for every dime I earned over the next portion of my life and remain in a four bedroom 2600 sq ft home in a very desirable part of town while I moved to a shithole apartment so she could be "happy".  NO FUCKING WAY!!!!  Canadian divorce laws spell out a very different scenario based on her income and I fully intend to exploit it.  Let the new guy buy the whore a house.  

By taking full care of myself I ultimately take better care of my children and do not be deluded about this either, my first and foremost concern is to provide for my girls and when they are with me they are going to have every single thing they have if they are at the home I have already paid for.

If that sounds bitter to you Stroker, too bad pal, it is the road I am travelling and NO ONE will dissuade me.  

[C928BRAN]

Went through the same thing, but I came out on top. wife cheated on me, and i found out about it. i filed for divorce, but she didnt want to go to court. i had some stuff on her, and she was afraid she would lose my son, and the child support, that came with him, cause she wanted custody, and i had no problem with that, she is a good mother, just a bad wife. i kept everything, and she just walked away. dosent always work out like that, but now i realize, it was the best thing, that ever happened to me, and if your wife, has eyes for someone else, believe me she is not interested in working it out, and you dont want to be with someone like that. you may not realize it now, but you will eventually realize it was the best thing. my son is bettter than ever now, and me and his mother, since everything is over, can be civil, and still raise him together. he was 10, when we seperated, and now he is about to be 14. be tough man, we are all here for you.

[Ghoste]

Oh, I fully realize it.  I made a sincere effort and now that has past and I am at the next stage which is to resolve the legal and financial parts and move on.  It hurts but I am fully looking to the future and she isn't in it.

[71ChallengeHer]

So sorry to hear this. I have gone thur this also. Don't bad mouth your daughters mom. My ex was a lying , cheating, abusive bastard.  But , I never told Shelby that. Kids are smart. They will figure it all out on their own. I wish you the best in everything. Your a great guy. And I am sure the courts will work in your favor . Hugs, Jackie

[Indygenerallee]

Stroker, You ever been through a divorce and have kids?? What your saying sounds nice and all but ive been there and done that brother, it don't work....

[djcarguy]

sorry Ghost to hear you an your kids are forced into this.  i 100% agree with ya,with kids ya try too understand the ambush and try too save the marriage and protect your kids..then the truth come to light and you except and still do all ya can to protect ,but now its protect yourself and kids .think it would bee good if you can keep the house and comfortable safe place for your girls that they use too . 
      been thru it 2 times,thank goodness no kids 1st time as a was young an did not handle it well.she moved when i was out of town.  2nd was labor day shes unhappy ,talk seperate an stayed bout 2 more months.i finlly got the want adds for her too go look for apartment.

   well take care of yourself an kids. dont do anything to get in trouble or she can use against ya.sorry give it time and dont rush into any other set up,, it takes time..    good luck mopar brother..   i know bout the depress stuff,on my meds again ,takecare...   dj

[Cooter]

Well Shawn [Ghoste], I have lived on the other end of the spectrum with the "Instant Family" 'Just add water' and had to deal with the EX. He's a Real piece of work. Too much to get into here, but I kinda know how you feel about retrobution and the like. Dealing with him after the fact wasn't easy for me at all.

We had a few 'Confrontations' along the way as well. Yes, been to jail a couple times over this POS too. Just try not to handle it like I did. Looking back, I coulda handled him a little better, but at the time it felt 'Right'....[Would 'win' every time we went to court, and it got old quick].

[moparstuart]

dude so sorry      sounds like your getting to a better place 

[Fred]

Life is a big hill to climb.

Sorry to here about your troubles Ghoste. It sounds to me like you have things well in hand and will come out on top (mentally).
Just don't let it eat away at you, stay focused.

My first marriage lasted only two years. It should never have happened in the first place. She took the lot but I was glad to be rid of her.

I know of a lot of couples that break up around the 25 year mark (including my wife's parents). It always amazes me to think people would want to part company after such a long time as I figure by then you'd have pretty much settled into the whole marriage thing and are comfortable where your at.  Maybe it's because usually by then the kids are grown (although not in your case) and there's nothing left to hold the marriage together. A lot of couples find they have very little in common when faced with just one another. I always figured that if you were going to grow apart it would be sooner rather than later. (that 7 year itch thing comes to mind) I mean, after 25 years, who could be bothered.

I believe I've reached the point of no return in this my second marriage (39 years), and consider myself extremely fortunate.

I wish you all the best.

[71green go]

Man I feel for you...But Life can be so amazing after this all settles, I am living proof, My Ex also wanted out, my home was also paid for ....My daughter who I thought would be shocked/devastated came through it waaaayyy better then I ever expected...
Now I live totally stress free, have my own home and my toys..just 2 years later....she ended up moving in with her BF and now last week he left her  ....she called me crying, Im sorry but It looks sooo good on her I was laughing inside...
keep your head up and prove your the better guy and get through this....And yes Get all your entitled to, If the shoe was on the other foot she would be dragging you through the coals!

[twodko]

You have some solid backup here Ghoste. You're on the right path.....kids first, you next. Everything else is way below your caliber. Say on the high road as you are.....it will shine through, in your kids eyes and the courts.
You have every right to be angry, who wouldn't be? But anger will cloud your judgement and will make you ill if you allow it to eat at you. Stay focused on the end game. You can't change what is but you can build what will be.  

That's my Rx.......send me $20.

[dyslexic teddybear]

Like many, I've been there.

A couple of things, really hit home for me. House paid off, trying to make things work.....and then you find out.....

Protect yourself.

I tried being the good guy. But there came a point when my kids were at risk.....that's when I started to wake up and realize we should have been apart long before it happened. Things got a bit ugly, but I ended up with custody of 4 kids, the house......and lost a 42 acre separate lot. As soon as she found out she was to pay me child support, she quit work. I was so happy to get it over with, I didn't go after support......I should have, could have put a lien on her property. Oh well.

Personally I hope you get everything you can. I have no sympathy for someone who breaks trust.

Kids first. It'd gonna be hard for them, but they will get thru it. Do it right, don't put them in the middle or bad mouth her, or even the new BF. They will on their own, figure it out.

Wishing you the best.

[polywideblock]

sorry to see this happen to anyone ,  I've been there and done that to. i was the nice guy just let her walk with the kids(other end of the country) payed maintenance till they turned 18.  5 years went by without a word,  then dad died and i got the house. all of a sudden she wants a divorce and half of dads property   going through the crap now, laws are different here in OZ so she is living in LA-LA land thinks were on TV and its all hers . shes got a big wake up call coming.

[NHCharger]

Wow, sorry to hear about this Ghoste.

[Tilar]

Sorry to hear you're going through this... 

I've been down that road 3 times and it sux anyway you cut it. My last one wanted the divorce and tried that "I want the house" crap... I told her i would drop the insurance and burn it to the ground before she ever got it and if she wanted the divorce she would be the one paying for it. She walked away with her personal affects and the bill from the lawyer.

[General_01]

Sorry Ghoste. Hope the future turns out so bright you gotta wear shades.

[A383Wing]

Sorry Ghoste. Hope the future turns out so bright you gotta wear shades.

[firefighter3931]

Sorry to hear this Shawn....real bummer ! 

A buddy at work is going through the same thing right now. 

Hopefully the kids will come through this OK and i'm sure they will with such a level headed Dad 

This is going to cost her BIG if that's any consolation ; 1/2 her pension contributions/RRSP portfolio and half the value of the home not to mention equalization payments for the disparity in personal income. Her standard of living and retirement is about to go into the tank if that's any consolation  If she wants to keep the house it's going to cost her dearly to stay there.  Even with shared custody she will still owe you some support for the kids and you should also seek alimony as well.

Most of my buddies who have been through this were on the losing end and this is what they had to pay out. At least financially you will come out on top which is a silver lining in a somewhat dark cloud. 

Keep your head up and things will get better as the dust settles...it allways does. 


Your friend,


Ron

[Brass]

Oh, man - so crappy.  It's too bad the universality of divorce doesn't make it any less painful for those going through it.  But I also know firsthand every little bit of support helps.  Hang in there, Ghoste.  For what it's worth, you seem to be handling this better and with more dignity than can be expected from anyone in your situation.   

[b5blue]

  Ghoste I did much as your doing/did also. I know how much it can mess with your head. For me the real crap started just passed where you are at now. If you EVER want to, PM me about anything, anytime. (I had big issues concerning the kids.)           

[RIDELIKEHELL]

Sorry to hear this Shawn but maybe a change will do you good but hearing how you were blindsided is hard to take. If you are ever up for a cold one or a drive up my way let me know  I bet you could be here in the man cave in Bluepoint in a little over an hour via some nice old hiway

[Ghoste]

I have a feeling there will be more Charger use in my spare time now and you aren't that far away.  (is it even an hour?)

[RIDELIKEHELL]

I have a feeling there will be more Charger use in my spare time now and you aren't that far away.  (is it even an hour?)

Probably just over as the speed limit up and down through all the little towns  

[Ghoste]

I didn't think there were speed limits on the way to Wyoming.

[RIDELIKEHELL]

WYOMING  No speed limit in a DODGE 

[Ghoste]

I used to have friends around Forest, it was like DOH north.

[RIDELIKEHELL]

We live in a cottage area so my neighbours have all the $ but Forest is definitely DOH North 

[Ghoste]

 Lol, but I'll tell you, I've had some huge laughs up there.

[RIDELIKEHELL]

Lol, but I'll tell you, I've had some huge laughs up there.

There is a great pub now on the way into forest from the south(Forest Road or 21). Its a 7 minute back road rip in the Charger...

[Ghoste]

It is sounding more and more like a road trip in the works.

[Big Sugar]

Thats tough news Shawn, hopefully you can both find a calm way to sort things out without lawyers getting involved.
   How old are the kids ?   


Ron

[Marck]

Very sorry to hear this Shawn, but I sort of had the feeling from our fb messages.. 
Allthough I (luckily) can't relate to your situation completely, I my self am from a broken up home, so I can relate to what your kids are about to face.. My parents could not have handled it much worse than they did.. Raging arguments, slamming doors, bad mouthing each other, stalking each other.. It was not pretty.. I was 9 at the time..
You're not going this route, which is good news for your kids.. (From what little I know of you, I have to say I would be surprised if you did)..
I hope come out in the best way possible, and I'm here if you need anything..

-Marck

[Ghoste]

Girls are 16 and 13.  We will be doing part of it through mediation but unfortunately the complexities of the financial part and the amount of asset involved mean that it will be impossible to finalize without lawyers.

[Big Sugar]

Well Shaun i hope you can sort things out , and get things going in a good direction for you and your family.
. I haven't been in your shoes but I can certainly say I've been at the SHOE store .  Thankfully we're a few years past that now and things are good.   
    As much as it would be nice for you and your wife to patch things up and you can move forward in your new position at work, sometimes it seems its just not in the cards.   
Thankfully for moments like these we have beer. 




I love beer


Ron